I hope we never discover
Another element for the periodic table
‘Cause you know they’d name it “Deeznutzium”
Or something like that if they’re able.
I Think I Covered The Big Ones…
What type of Youtube watcher are you?
The type who watches that Indian dude?
Maybe the type who react to the trends
Or enjoys watching guys give cash to their friends?
Maybe you watch it for voice-to-text vids
Or use it to sedate your satanic kids?
If none of these channels tickles your tubes
Let me suggest another one – Boobs.
Filed under Poems
Shower Thoughts
What if we’re all identical twins
But, when we’re born, the nurse
Gets out an ultra-mega laser
And sets it to “reverse”
And our baby brain goes back in time
To when everyone was biologically unique
And we grow up thinking we’re special
Until the Invisible Ones start to speak?
Filed under Poems
Juneteenth
Today’s the day we celebrate
When the government was two years late
To tell the slaves that they were free
And now owe tax on property.
Filed under Poems
How Rappers Shop For Homes
The house was uninhabitable
But I am uninhibitable…
To squat is inevitably unethical
But the crime’s rhymes are inimitable!
Filed under Poems
Do Your Job!
I get that without spiders
Other bugs would be more numerous,
But I still find it sorta said
And even moreso humorous
That despite there being webs everywhere
The bugs are still voluminous.
This is the dilemma of our time
And a cornerstone of humanness.
Filed under Poems
If Only The Sea Level Could Rise Above Washington DC
In four more days the day will be
The longest of the year.
Today it’s fifty-eight outside
And I’m grinning ear to ear
‘Cause this means all our efforts
In the global warming fight
Have paid off, and we can repeal
The carbon tax now, right?
Filed under Poems
Dear IRS…
If I had a yeasty codpiece
That was trolled through mud and sludge
And then ground into a powder
And baked into a toxic fudge
That was fed to pigs with cholera
Who shat it into a vial
I’d rather take a shot of it
Than pay you to e-file.
Filed under Poems
Rare Steak: Origins
Once, a guy ordered a steak
But the chef’s credentials were fake.
He said “Blood means its yummy.
“Raw is good for your tummy.”
And now that’s just what people make.
Filed under Poems
I Stole This Joke (Like The Second Guy, Probably)
Racism is crazy!
Like if you punch a white guy
You get arrested for assault
And your mama will cry
But if you punch a black guy
In the belly or head
You’re impersonating
A police officer instead.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 