Greg is 17-foot-3,
Runs faster than the eye can see,
And more impressive than Greg’s size is
How Greg’s won four Nobel Prizes.
Greg is just 18 years old.
All Greg touches turns to gold.
Greg’s backstory’s very tragical
Which makes Greg seem even more magical.
Greg declared the other day
Greg wants to play in the NBA.
The coaches laughed ’til they soiled their pants…
Greg once said, “Cops are fine,” so Greg never stood a chance.
Filed under Poems
Deep below, the hipster slugs
Are killing worms and taking drugs
And handing out free slimy hugs
And chanting “Slug Lives Matter.”
High above, against the odds,
Someone applauds the gastropods
And, thinking they are modern gods,
Eat escargot and grow fatter.
Filed under Poems
Somewhere there’s a purple bear
Who cries itself to sleep.
The cubs call him “The purple one
“Who, when he’s sleepy, weeps.”
I want to find that purple bear
Upon one lonely night
And give him stuffed Teddy Roosevelt
And say, “It’ll be alright.”
The purple bear will thank me
As he dries his tears away
And hug the small plush human
And know that he’s okay.
I want to pat that little bear
Upon his purple head,
But I’m also scared he’ll maul me
So I’m hunting him instead.
Filed under Poems
Amidst the “What the heck?s”
About kneeling for anthems and necks
One man has consistently stood tall:
That man is Neil Diamond,
Who protested against crime and
Didn’t change his name to “Stand.” That’s all.
Filed under Poems
Today I protested protests
By going to the store,
Putting items in my cart
Which I did then pay for.
I then departed quietly
And went back to my house
Where I tweeted “Peace and love”
Before I beat my spouse.
Filed under Poems
If someone stomps a snail to death,
Then snails burn down a city,
Why is that conducive to
Making people think snails aren’t shitty?
Filed under Poems
They see me Biden,
Debatin’
And rolling their eyes ’cause I’m so far past thirty!
‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,
‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,
‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,
‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,
I said they ain’t black
Like I’m not
Perhaps ’cause my mind is somewhat less than sturdy!
‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy,
‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy,
My mind is less than sturdy…
‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy!
Sniffin’ the babies just for fun
While I say you don’t need no gun,
Tellin’ how our country’s run,
Then runnin’ my mouth when it’s said and done.
Tara Reade told some news site
What I did back then was not alright,
But poor kids are just as good as the white.
Good thing Bernie backed away from the fight.
Don’t worry if I’ve got some dementia
‘Cause I’ll designate yo job as essentia’.
Sure my kid’s salary’s preferentia’,
But CNN’s sure to bury the stench, duh.
I love having kids sitting on my lap,
I’ll do Zoom campaigns after my next nap,
You’ll vote for me despite this crap.
By the way, what the heck’s an app?
Filed under Poems
If the Florida Air National Guard
Gets attacked by a suicidal croc
And they try to assassinate the leader
By using many a Blackhawk
Then discover the croc was Muslim
And they make a movie about it later
I hope they give it the title:
“Hella’copters vs. Allah Gator!”
Filed under Poems
One world leader said
“Grab ’em by the pussy,”
But got elected anyway.
One would-be leader
Said “Don’t grab ’em by the pussy”
Before he did, so I guess he’s okay?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 