To all of you who laughed at me
When I said “Dragons are real”
I present you: California.
Now how do you feel?
Tag Archives: America
I’m Doing My Part
With the recent rise of terrorism
And assassination attempts, please
Remember it was Robert Selander (Mastercard CEO)
Who invented “Convenience Fees”.
Filed under Poems
Help Wanted: Male Model – Experience Required: 5+ Years Of Being Female
In the near future, diversity quotas
Will become even harder to fill
So job interviewers will have to start meetings
With, “Hey, so I see you are Bill
“But if you’ll let us call you Simone during work
“And you’ll say that your pronouns are ‘they’
“Then we’re happy to call you our newest employee.
“Otherwise, have a very nice day.”
Filed under Poems
I Don’t Need Proof Through The Night That Our Flag Was Still There
There are two days of the year
Where fireworks and beer
Are acceptable for neighbors to abuse
And yet some neighbors (ours)
Must be from Venus instead of Mars
Because tonight’s the night they picked to light the fuse…
Filed under Poems
The Santa/Netflix Dichotomy
When people say that Santa Claus
Is, and has always been, white
I agree with them in principle
But ask if it’s alright
That going down a million chimneys
Every Christmas night
Would make him look like blackface
‘Cause I like to start a fight.
Filed under Poems
Ode To Brian Thompson
There was an insurance exec
Who got shot in the street. What the heck?
But instead of mass fear
Folks just let out a cheer,
Now relieved of one pain in the neck.
Filed under Poems
A Poem For My Wife On The Occasion Of A Duty To Her Peers
‘Twas the day of jury duty
And through the courthouse
Most groups were still waiting
(They’d just called in “mouse”).
The judges were hoping
For non-psycho jurors
While my wife was pining
For sofas and purrers.
One hundred dollars
Awaited those selected
To sit in the waiting room,
Tired and dejected,
But some of those gathered
Would be chosen to act
As one of a dozen
Who would justice enact.
The thrill of deciding
A dumb person’s fate
Might be tempting for some,
But not to my mate.
She wanted to go
To her job or her house,
Not to wait for a call
For “Octopus”. (Nope, still “mouse”).
And then, with a flash
And a low-level clatter
A sentry emerged
And did hush all their chatter.
“I’ve news for you all”
The page said to the bunch.
“We don’t need you right now.
“Take an hour for lunch.”
And so wifey departed
In search of a bite
With an intrusive thought
That she’d be here all night…
Filed under Poems
It’s About Sending A Message
There was a little spider
In my bathroom late at night.
Now it’s gone, and so is one shotgun shell
And I have a new skylight!
Filed under Poems
If Thanksgiving Wore Sweatpants
Today is Black Friday,
That grand shopping day
Where everything costs
What the white people pay.
You can buy all the things
That nobody bought
When the items were valued
As the resellers thought.
Your lunch will be yummy,
Just like last night’s dinner
And you give up your goal
Of ending the year thinner.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 