Gentiles got foreskins, ya,
But my bros got candles nine.
We only got a day of oil
But there’s God, so we’ll be fine.
We can burn these candles y’all
For a dozen days or so
And all you got’s a baby
In a manger full of snow?
You get one day of giving gifts;
We’ve got a fortnight minus two
Plus no Mariah Carey
So come become a jew!
Filed under Poems
Today we are thankful for immigrants
Who come here to become a winner.
Without them we’d have to fly to Turkey
To have our traditional dinner.
Filed under Poems
There once was a political leftist
And another who leaned to the right.
They both mocked the art in banks and hotels
And then peacefully mumbled “Good night.”
Filed under Poems
There once was a whole in the ozone layer
But luckily your mom was a ticket payer…
As her plane left the ground
There was a brief sucking sound
And now she’s demanding we pay her.
Filed under Poems
Today was a Monday.
It wasn’t a fun day,
Nor was it remarkably fateful.
Today was a Monday.
Now it’s a done day.
And for that I am certainly grateful.
Filed under Poems
Today I tried making sushi
And, in a way, it was a success…
I managed to put all the rice in a roll
And wrap it in bamboo and press.
The ingredients all fit together
And it tasted like sushi indeed.
The downside is it looked like Lizzo
Wrapped in very expensive seaweed.
Filed under Poems
Roses are red.
Vegans are pale.
When they read my blog in 10 years
They’ll probably put me in jail.
Filed under Poems
Racism is crazy!
Like if you punch a white guy
You get arrested for assault
And your mama will cry
But if you punch a black guy
In the belly or head
You’re impersonating
A police officer instead.
Filed under Poems
She said “I love ventriloquists.”
Her vagina said “That’s right!”
In my defense, she laughed at that
But I’m still on the couch tonight.
Filed under Poems
“I went to the club and blew 50 bucks”
Is a normal enough thing to say
Unless you happen to be a deer
And especially one who is gay.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 