So I was dating May
Until she moved away,
And then I dated Jenny
But she stole my lucky penny,
So I started dating Morgan
But she worshipped Demogorgon,
And now I’m dating Ted
‘Cause ladies loco in the head.
Tag Archives: Black Humor
#Relatable
So you know when you’re in public
And you kinda need to poop
So you go into the restroom
And kinda do a stoop
And pray that all the excrement
That needs to leave your bum
Will flow into the toilet
Before your knees get numb?
You wait and wait for seven years
(The watch would say 1 minute)
‘Til you let loose a bunny turd
And you say, “That’s good, innit?”
And then you do the little walk
Back to the restaurant table
And though you still have to poop
You also want to seem mentally stable?
Filed under Poems
Look At The Bright Side… Or Don’t… Do Whatever You Want
I asked my wife for a random word
To inspire my poem tonight.
Here eyes went wide, her gaze went blank,
And she went towards the light.
Now alone and uninspired
I type this tepid verse
But at least it’s quiet in the house
So I guess it could be worse.
Filed under Poems
Ready To Change The World?
If you’re thinking of a career change
One job has quite low stress:
Suicide bombers will always retire
Right after their greatest success.
Filed under Poems
Last Season’s Alcohol: Corona… This Season’s Alcohol: Fireball
To all of you who laughed at me
When I said “Dragons are real”
I present you: California.
Now how do you feel?
Filed under Poems
I’m Doing My Part
With the recent rise of terrorism
And assassination attempts, please
Remember it was Robert Selander (Mastercard CEO)
Who invented “Convenience Fees”.
Filed under Poems
Fun Ideas For Improving The World #682
I think we need a theme park
Called IQ Test Land
Where every ride is deadly
(Intentionally planned)
And a prize will be given
To the one lucky guest
Who survives on the rides
Longer than all the rest.
It’s not a solution
Without any flaws
And may be against
International laws
But in the week that its open
The world will be cleared
Of many a person
Who think seat belts are weird.
Filed under Poems
The Santa/Netflix Dichotomy
When people say that Santa Claus
Is, and has always been, white
I agree with them in principle
But ask if it’s alright
That going down a million chimneys
Every Christmas night
Would make him look like blackface
‘Cause I like to start a fight.
Filed under Poems
Happy Solstice
Shortest day of year
Then Grandma says “anal cyst”
Feels much longer now
Filed under Poems
Ode To Brian Thompson
There was an insurance exec
Who got shot in the street. What the heck?
But instead of mass fear
Folks just let out a cheer,
Now relieved of one pain in the neck.
Filed under Poems
