The time will come when you must choose
Whether in life to win or lose.
But what do winning and losing get us?
Losers get cake; Winners get lettuce.
Filed under Poems
I could pay money every month
To have access to a gym
Where I lift heavy objects
To feel pain within my limb
And when the lifting’s over
I can climb or bike or run
On a machine that makes it possible
To never feel done
Then I can take my clothes off
In a public locker room
And eat vegetables for breakfast…
Or I can stay home and play Doom.
Filed under Poems
The tiger is a fancy beast
That thinks of you as Fancy Feast.
If you’re not a fan of dyin’
You should only hug a lion.
Filed under Poems
I found out a shortcut
Whose power I tap
To see if a thing
Is worthwhile or crap:
I ask normal people
“Do you prefer A or B?”
Then they say “Both are good”
And I settle on C.
Filed under Poems
Hello to you, dear reader
(Or listener, if you will).
Might I suggest a simple game
Of chance instead of skill?
It’s the tossing of a silver coin
To results in heads or tails.
Your side of choice is a liquid voice
But the other side is wails.
With a heads, you’re six feet taller
Dancing circles in the sky
With a castle full of diamonds
And a friend who’ll never die,
Your wishes but a whim away
In a life devoid of loss.
I’ll even throw a dragon in
If you’ll give my coin a toss!
With a tails, six-feet under
Is a wish that won’t come true
As sky and earth and ocean
Are a nemesis to you.
You look around at all you hate
But only mirrors see,
And the dragon’s on the table still
If you’ll toss a coin with me.
Should you face a face post-flipping
You’ll have all that you can eat,
Removed from all discomforts
And immune to all deceit.
Your words will carry weight again
And the sun will always shine.
The face you face just might be yours
If you’ll flip this coin of mine!
But if that face is hidden
Hidden will your face be too
Behind your ever-aching hands
And whatever that guy threw…
There’ll be excellence around you
But the best you’ll get is fair;
It’s the risk you take for sending
My coin spinning through the air.
Should you be a coward
To avoid the loss of tails
There’ll be lemon in your water
And wind within your sails.
Should you be a hero
And pursue the wealth of heads
You’ll have no fear of failure
And a lack of empty beds.
Euphoria awaits you
In the paradise you made
With an open grave beside it
Dug by hand and fortune’s spades.
A two-faced ally in the air
Does Heaven and Hell divide
Will you be fine with good enough
Or care to pick a side?
Filed under Poems
They described me as a “figment.”
They told you I’m not real
Even though nobody asked me
Whether that’s the way I feel.
They told you to let go of me,
To let illusions end
As if it were no trouble at all
To walk out on a friend.
They closed their eyes and turned their backs
And said “You’re hearing voices.”
They gave you lots of pretty pills
And, lying, called them choices.
“It’s your imagination,”
So they said and so they thought.
They don’t know imagination
Is the truest friend you’ve got.
They’re offering a tunnel
Ending in a wall of light;
It’s up to you to say what’s true,
To help your friend, to fight.
Who’s to say you’re crazy
Just for seeing what they won’t?
They offer you your sanity
While I most proudly don’t.
So do you leave me lifeless
And go on with real living,
Accepting their reality
And chemical’s they’re giving
Or do you block the wall of light
And beckon me to stay
And live a life beside me
In a state of endless play?
To take the pill and up you grow
Or spit it out and smile?
Love, your imagination friend…
I’ll see you in a while.
Filed under Poems
Somewhere past the mountains,
O’er the river, by the glade
Is a land of fame and fortune
Where a fellow might get laid.
Somewhere by my bedside
There’s chocolate cake and beer
And a whole day to play Skyrim
So my choice is pretty clear.
Filed under Poems
There’s a lot in life to pass on
Like the buck, the ball, the chance,
The slow guy in the right lane
And the guy who wants to dance.
There’s a lot in life to pass on
But some we should pass more:
A smile, a joke, a genius stroke,
What matters at our core.
We can take a pass on vacuuming
Without many repercussions
But we don’t get back missed kisses
And unlistened-to discussions.
And as you pass decisions
Other folks are passing too
So tell the world “I’m open”
And smile at what gets passed to you.
Filed under Poems
If I could clone myself
And make an evil twin
I probably wouldn’t.
But somewhere out there
The guy whose evil twin
Would’ve killed Hitler
Is regretting his choice
Not to make an evil clone.
Now I’m doubting my decision…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 