I want a government run by puppies.
If you want that as well
Let’s team up and kill six-billion folks
And make the world more swell.
Tag Archives: Evil
Right?
I have a secret mission
That I need to undertake
But leaving online evidence
Is surely a mistake…
If only there were a button
That I could press to hide
My browser history… also
The hate I feel inside.
Oh wait? What is this button
With a sneaky little spy?
An incognito window?
Why, that’s just the thing that I
Did need for just this purpose!
I’m glad Google has my back.
Now pet me commence searching
For things they’d never, ever track…
Filed under Poems
Big Brother
I accidentally deleted
My browser history
And yet the pages I visit
Show the same ads to me
About the things I’ve talked about
But never searched online
So forgive we while I move under this rock
And live there… I’ll be fine.
Filed under Poems
What New Devilry Is This?
Somewhere down in baby hell
Are Lucifer and Baphomet,
Asmodeus, Apollyon,
Satan, and Adramalech
All laughing at demonic stuff
But here’s the evil rub:
There’s a new kid in the devil school.
His name’s Beelzebub.
His family comes from South Missouri
And his dad’s name was Cletus
And he’d been groomed for devilhood
Since he was a fetus.
The devils might have picked on him
‘Til he was a broken husk
But then a savior came along:
A baby devil named by Elon Musk.
Filed under Poems
A New Nemesis Emerges…
A silver goose on a crystal lake
Locks eyes with me at dawn
And ‘neath the sunrise orange it spake
And pooped upon my lawn.
Silver goose, an anarchist
Would soon my rifle eat…
Though I aimed wide, I will not miss
When next our twain shall meet.
Filed under Poems
Thanks New World Order!
This year they started teaching kids
As young as five-years-old
That gender is whatever you choose
And not just what you’re told.
To celebrate this progress
In sex-ed for the prepubescent
I thought of a list of titles
For children’s books in this age present:
“Everybody Fucks,” for one;
Or “When the President Sniffs Your Hair”;
“The Very Hungry Pedophile”;
Or the two-papa Berenstain Bears.
“When Daddy Says ‘Call Me Mommy’”;
“The Fantastic Gyration Sensation”;
And a favorite of drag queen story hour:
“A is for Autoerotic Asphyxiation.”
Maybe you don’t feel comfortable
Putting porn in your preschooler’s head?
Don’t worry! For kids who are too young
We’ll teach them they’re racists instead!
Filed under Poems
And Don’t Even THINK About Calling Your Fairy “Sugarplum”
I think the biggest reason
Why the term “minion” exists
Is because all the female henchmen
Continually insist
That “henchman” is a sexist term
And they should be called “henchperson”
And the trust relationship
With their villain starts to worsen.
To avoid such conflicts
The term “minion” is used instead…
Until the feminists learn “minion” means “cute”
And say “Call us ‘persons of evil’ instead.”
Filed under Poems
Fauced Up Man…
There’s a guy in a political alliance
Who’s rightfully earned our defiance.
Instead of giving puppies hugs
He had them eaten alive by bugs
And yet you still say “Trust the science”?
Filed under Poems
Instead Of Going Back In Time To Kill Hitler, Consider This Guy
“What if, instead of selling stuff
To people who will buy it
We interrupt TV and stuff
To talk about a diet,
A tv show, a sugar drink,
A car, or car insurance?
That should make folks love us,
Or at least that’s my inference!”
Filed under Poems
Why Hitler Is The Silver-Medalist of Evil
The inventor of homework they tell is
A guy named Roberto Nevelis.
I don’t know about you,
But sounds like a guy who
Will experience firsthand what Hell is…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 