“What if, instead of selling stuff
To people who will buy it
We interrupt TV and stuff
To talk about a diet,
A tv show, a sugar drink,
A car, or car insurance?
That should make folks love us,
Or at least that’s my inference!”
Tag Archives: Evil
Why Hitler Is The Silver-Medalist of Evil
The inventor of homework they tell is
A guy named Roberto Nevelis.
I don’t know about you,
But sounds like a guy who
Will experience firsthand what Hell is…
Filed under Poems
The Elites
Who once was an ideologue
Now bears a predacious heart,
A prerequisite for leadership
In politics and art.
Who once fantasized
Is yoked by sponsors unseen,
Separate from the audience
Who now seem unclean.
Who once dreamed of changing
Now for sameness votes,
Repelling their friends,
Trapped within their own moats.
Who is no longer meek
Now learns how and why
The meek inherit nothing
If the elites never die.
Filed under Poems
Super-Villains: The College Years
If I owned an evaporation ray
That could turn humans to ash
I think it would help motivate
My roommates to take out the trash.
——————————————————–
I had to write an essay
About why I deserve financial aid.
I wrote about the 10,000 horsepower
Machine gun-slash-jetpack I made.
They said “Thanks for your application
“But, alas, this year we can’t…”
And at that point I spotted an unlikely hero
And proceeded to kidnap their aunt.
——————————————————–
Well sure, I’m a villain I guess.
I act violently when under stress
And if I kill someone
And it’s not in good fun
I consider the day a success!
——————————————————–
I was failing Econ 101
So I put on my lowest-cut blouse
Snuck into my professor’s office
And sat on the pad for his mouse.
He came in and I said, “Professor
“I’ll do anything to get an A.”
Little did I know my professor
Had an evaporation ray…
Filed under Poems
On The General Nature Of Material Things
In this world of cats and dogs,
Of black and white, of bricks and logs,
It seems it nature’s choice we trust
The things which most resemble us,
Because of nature or our minds,
We oft call “evil” other kinds
Of creatures, colors, or supplies;
To do this I don’t think is wise.
If dogs chase cats or cats scratch dogs,
If we stack bricks or burn some logs
We do these things not out of spite
But merely ’cause it feels right.
So are we, by our nature, wrong
To do as we’ve done all along
Merely since a precious few
Feel malice as these things they do?
Shall we, must we, can we insist
That the building and the chase desist?
Are we all not good human beings
But, one and all, [Insert here]-ist fiends?
I like to think what harm we do
Is in pursuit of what is true,
And if we don’t find verity
We fail with true sincerity.
Impose not evil on the Earth
For no more than being given birth
And if another’s sin you see
Know the sinner is human like you and me.
Perhaps through this we’ll forget war,
We’ll never suffer anymore.
More likely we’ll still scratch and bite
But, mindfully, still smile despite.
Filed under Poems
War Isn’t So Bad…
We’ve walked among some Autumn glades
Just us and the wind from the helicopter blades.
Falling gently to the ground
Are a leaf and some limbs and an M16 round.
A quaint little creek
Glitters bright mountain green
And, despite all our blood,
Is still cool fresh and clean.
We came here to camp,
Found these meadows to walk,
Because some old men
Wouldn’t sit down and talk,
But we can take solace
And our hearts can still sing
All thanks to the peace
That our murder will bring.
Filed under Poems
51% And Growing
What if, with perfect certainty, you knew how to be good. You
Would have no ills or evils. With this great power would you
Live your life accordingly, an angel we’d admire,
Or is flawless, certain perfection a goal to which you’d not aspire?
Now if perfection weren’t certain and ’twas painful to act well
Would you trade your Earthly pleasure for 50/50 odds of Hell?
Would you suffer every moment if it might bring future joy
Or would you say “be happy now” and make pleasure your toy?
The point that I am making is in our uncertain years
Where our good or evil instincts are affected by our fears
That we might be a villain who believes that we are just
Or perhaps a clumsy angel whose good intent is all a bust.
If you’d be truly evil or would be extremely good
Then here’s a course of action that to take I think you should:
To seek a path of certainty. Through thinking you will find
More often the results you seek are those which you will find
And if another does you wrong seek not to cast your blame
But know that if you thought like him you’d probably do the same.
Hero, villain, victim are alike a future you
So why not think and weight the coin that judges all we do?
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
The Lord Of The Rings
A while ago
There was a guy
Who dreamed of being
A fiery eye.
We don’t know why
He felt the need,
But we know that
He did succeed.
The problem with
Old fire-eye’s plot
Is that what he wanted
Others did not,
And so he hid
His power away
So after his death
He’d still be okay.
He put that power
In a magical ring
That got stolen by
A greedy king,
And that repeated
Several times
Through fire and snow
And temperate climes.
Then one day
Some fishing midgets
Found that ring
And asked “what ij it?”
One said “mine!”
The other said “no!”
And so the midgets
Came to blows.
The winning midget
Became a beast
Who hid in a cave
Eating Fancy Feast
Until more midgets
Came along,
Stole the ring,
And sang a song.
A few years later
There was peace
And the ring’s new owner’s
Male niece
Got the ring
As a birthday gift,
Met some elves,
And got a lift
To Rivendell
Where it was decided
Fire-eye’s ego
Had the land divided
And that the only
Thing to do
Was to break the ring
Of you-know-who.
The elves said that
The ring must be laid
In the Mordorian lava
In which it was made.
The dwarf said
“That’s a lot of work,”
Hit the ring with his axe
And looked like a jerk.
So midgets and co.
Went on a quest,
They got betrayed
And left the rest,
Wandered alone
To the volcano of doom
Where the trolls and orcs
Drummed “boom, boom, boom.”
While they did
The men, dwarves, and elves
Fought three hours of orc wars
All by themselves,
Had a romantic subplot
With the long-lost human heir
And the elven princess
With the CGI hair.
By now midgets passed fire-eye’s
Most fiery gazes
Then the ring-bearing midget
Had just one of his dazes,
Turned to his friend,
Said “No Sam! The ring’s mine,”
Then dumbass lost his finger
And it all turned out fine.
Filed under Poems
Honestly, Every Baby Name After 2007 Though…
I feel for baby Adolfs,
Judases, Atillas,
Who had to live entire lives
Proving they’re just vanillas
Instead of evil Hall-of-Famers
Whose names they now must share.
On the other hand, how ’bout some killers
Named Peyton, Taylor, Weston, or Blair?
Filed under Poems
The Real Darkness Approaches…
Once a year we celebrate
The gruesome and bizarre,
The stuff that gives clowns nightmares
And makes wolves hide under cars.
We make light of the horrific,
Let go the values we hold dear…
We call this celebration “tax day”
And it’ll come in half a year.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 