There once was a gym teacher, Hank
Who I for one think we should thank.
He said, “Movement is bad
“And it makes me sad”
And so he invented the plank.
Tag Archives: Fitness
We’ll Start Next Year
Two days left to go
Of this wild and crazy year…
Peaceful at the gym
Filed under Poems
Running In The Family?
Would it be awful
If I ate a waffle
Instead of nutrition for dinner?
Not so, my lad!
No, a waffle ain’t bad
But you’ll have to work hard to get thinner.
Would it be ok
If I sat for a day
And watched TV and ate cheese?
Sure, sloth is fun
If you go for a run
To make sure you don’t get obese.
Thanks dad. You’re wise!
I guess me and the guys
Will eat waffles and cheese and relax,
Then we’ll go for a run
When the vegging is done
So our bellies don’t spill from our slacks!
Hey son, I see
Your weight starts with a three
And is neither four digits nor two.
Yeah dad, turns out
Running didn’t work out
But at least now I look more like you!
Filed under Poems
Burn Those Calories!
I once had a buddy named Roddy
Whose fitness routine was shoddy.
His plan, as he stated,
Was to just be cremated
And end up with a smokin’ hot body.
Filed under Poems
Intermittent Fasting
Marketing has accomplished
Another monumental feat:
I see people saying “Pay us
“And in return, don’t eat.”
Filed under Poems
The Masculine Dilemma
I could pay money every month
To have access to a gym
Where I lift heavy objects
To feel pain within my limb
And when the lifting’s over
I can climb or bike or run
On a machine that makes it possible
To never feel done
Then I can take my clothes off
In a public locker room
And eat vegetables for breakfast…
Or I can stay home and play Doom.
Filed under Poems
Plus Now The Taxidermist Has An Amazing Story!
Jen lost ten pounds through exercise.
Steve lost twenty by changing his diet.
I lost sixty pounds when my tapeworm came out
But Jen and Steve are too chicken to try it.
Filed under Poems
Realistic Fitness Goals
I went back to the gym today,
Got my badge, and paid my way
So I can flex my body parts
That got flabby ‘cause I do arts.
I will go at least once more
‘Cause I paid for months-comma-four.
I’ll get my Summer body, y’all
Just in time for the start of Fall!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 