They have hot dogs; they have buns.
They have lunch meat; they have pancakes.
The equivalence I want to know:
What sort of meat a pair with waffles makes.
Tag Archives: food
Really Strained For That Rhyme… But Seriously! I Want Meat With Little Pits For The Syrup!
Filed under Poems
Morning At The Vineyard
It’s morning at the vineyard
And the weather’s looking fine!
We sing hurrah and pick syrah
By bunches off the vine.
There’s Malbec for our jelly
And cabernet for wine,
Filling bucket after bucket
With pickers numbering nine.
My girl may have partaken
Of a bottle from last year.
The leaves stay green and limber
Though its fruit will disappear.
With truck beds full and spirits high
We loose a mirthful cheer!
Now we’re on the highway home
With the pickers we hold dear.
Tomorrow we’ll de-stem the lot
And barrel it to wait
Until next year’s excursion
Or ‘til 2028.
It’s a family tradition
So we all participate,
Bottling mornings in the vineyard,
Packing memories by the crate.
Filed under Poems
The Taste Of Home
For every sandwich ever made,
For every stand with lemonade,
For every pizza baked at home
In Tuscaloosa or in Rome,
For all the cream we ever whipped,
All the coffee ever sipped,
I dedicate this meal for you:
Gummy worm salad and “mystery” stew.
Filed under Poems
Fro Yo, Before Black People Made That A Greeting/Hairstyle
Somebody once grabbed a cow by the teats
And sucked out the milk and called it good eats
But a little fermented and got full of germs
And people just couldn’t come to grips or terms
So they filled it with sugar and put fruit on the bottom
And sold it in little plastic cups, and folks bought ‘em.
Then someone froze it and, eyes all agleam,
Said “People should buy this instead of ice cream!”
Most of the world disagreed, but alas
White peoplee adored it and paid through the ass.
All over the country we now eat frozen yogurt
Like Iowans mow lawns, and Nevadans mow dirt.
Filed under Poems
Just Wait ‘Til He Learns They Eat Cat In China
Jared was a little dude
From Syracuse, New York
Who used to think his favorite meat
Was barbecue pulled pork.
Then he came upon a crowd
Of masturbating cattle
And now he says Beef strokin’ off
Has won the “best meat” battle.
Filed under Poems
Why Some Plants Go Extinct
“Anybody want some peas?”
Everyone said yes.
“Anyone want pewps?”
Perhaps next year, I guess…
Filed under Poems
And Potlucks Were Never The Same Again
Once upon a time
In a land of myth and ballad
Someone mixed a lot of plants
And called the result a salad.
Later, in Minnesota
Someone mixed mayonnaise
With literally anything at all
And said “Salad happens in many ways.”
Filed under Poems
Prequels Be Like:
What if somebody made a hot dog
But instead of a bun, he
Put a couple of crackers
That tasted like honey
And instead of ketchup
Put chocolate so melty
But something was missing,
Because everyone felt he
Was not doing service
To a long piece of meat
So he replaced the hot dog
With a puffy white treat
Perfectly toasted
Over glowing red coals?
Perhaps I’ll add that
To my recipe goals…
Filed under Poems
D… Wait For It… UUUUUH!
Muffins and pizza and cake are delicious
Although, to my stomach, are often malicious.
Will I endure farting, mood swings, and pudge
To eat one more slice, with a side dish of fudge?
Filed under Poems
I’ve Got Bread, Plenty Of Dough, I Bring Home The Bacon, And Yet…
I have a six pack
Of orange creamsicles.
I have 12 inches
Of beef jerky sticks.
I go all night
When I chew my dill pickles,
And somehow I can’t seem
To pick up the chicks…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 