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Tag Archives: Harry Potter
Harry Potter And The One Minute Of Missing Footage
Christmas at Hogwarts, 1997:
Harry Potter is in heaven
Opening gifts from his first ever friends
And hoping this day never ends
When off to the side he notices one
Nondescript little package and opens it. Fun!
Inside is a cloak made of magical paper
For invisible movement during a caper.
“How does it work?” Harry asked. Ron, compliant,
Said, “It’s made from the list of all Epstein’s clients.”
Then Harry nodded, his heart feeling zen,
And Professor Quirrel was never seen again.
Filed under Poems
Where The Owls With Big Pecks Work
I hope in the Harry Potterverse
There’s a chain of restaurants
That serve the tasty chicken wings
That every wizard wants.
This restaurant chain is called “Boobs”
And the waitresses are owls.
It would be a hoot to go there.
Sincerely, JK Rowls.
Filed under Poems
You’re A Grand Wizard Harry
If all white people are racists
And support the KKK
It makes me see Hagrid
In an entirely new way.
Filed under Poems
Quidditch
I met a girl
I thought was nice.
Turns out she was a witch.
She said that I
Was quite a catch.
‘Tis the life of a golden snitch.
Filed under Poems
Raindrop Responds To DeMarco’s Invitation
The life called “thug”
Is not for me.
I like a sit-down
When I pee.
I do not like
When I am blamed
And when I burp
I feel ashamed.
I do my best
To stay hydrated
And instead of “you’re wrong”
I say “that can be debated.”
I think guns
Are loud and scary.
I admire Hermione
Moreso than Harry.
No, the thug life’s
Not my scene
But you have at it!
(Just don’t be mean).
Filed under Poems
Then After a Twist Of Fate No One Could See Coming…
If your story’s just beginning
But your ideas have run out
There’s no need for disappointment
So you can quit your silly pout.
All the greatest stories
Lose their steam before the end
And that’s why we continue
The “something lucky happened” trend.
It’s why stormtroopers can’t hit a barn
And main characters don’t get shivved.
Executions are delayed for a monologue
And Harry’s the boy who lived.
It’s why Ringwraith’s can sense the ring
From half a world away
But not when hobbits hold it
With a tree stump in the way.
Heroes outrun explosions
While the villain merely dies.
The white hats still draw faster
Despite the sunlight in their eyes.
So if you want a writing tip
I’ll give you one to keep:
As long as sh*t works out in the end
The fans will lose no sleep.
Filed under Poems
Fandoms
Frodo was a wizard
In a blue police box.
He keeps watch over Gotham
And wears “Game of Thrones” socks.
His nemesis was Gary Oak.
He aimed to misbehave.
If you understand this poem
Give a fellow fan a wave.
Wizard Chow
Bacon-and-egg-flavored cereal
And a glass of milk-flavored water.
That’s the last time I have breakfast
With a tipsy Harry Potter.
The Daily Travesty 