I used to dread going to parties
And talking to strangers all night.
Then I learned all about hemorrhoids
And now parties feel all right.
Tag Archives: Introverts
Orthodox Inroverts
When people say “What would Jesus do?”
I take that to mean
That I should go underground
And for three days not be seen.
Filed under Poems
The Introvert’s Decision
Go big or go home?
Suffice to say I am not
Fond of going big.
Filed under Poems
Public Transit Life Hack
If you say “Sentimental Salamander” ten times
Then bellow, “Meet your doom”
People on the train will give you space
So yay to more leg room!
Filed under Poems
An Introvert’s Afternoon (Or Why I Don’t Read As Much As I Used To)
You look so comfy on the couch
Quietly reading your book.
Why don’t we turn on the TV
And then leave you alone in your nook
And if you attempt to turn off the show
We’re not watching, we’ll come back and say
“Turn that back on”, then proceed to tell you
All the bad stuff we thought of today.
Filed under Poems
I’m, Uh, Wrapping Your Gifts? (Hehehe)
It’s the holiday season
Which is great for this reason:
It’s the only time of the year
That fully guilt-free
You can cut down a tree
And tell people “Don’t come in here!”
Filed under Poems
An Introverted Friend Indeed…
Motivation is a friend
Who sets an inspiring tone
And would be a mighty ally
If they’d just pick up their phone…
Filed under Poems
No, I Don’t Have Friends. Why Do You Ask?
Don’t you love when you decide
“I should update my browser app”
And then two hours later
It’s like the internet took a nap
And you’re wishing you could google
What to do when the web is slow
But your browser app is downloading
And there’s nowhere to go
So instead of browsing
Through memes and news and stuff
You finally say “Screw it”
And admit enough’s enough
And go into the world again
And gaze on nature’s splendor?
I don’t. I write poems instead.
How’s that for a comedic ender?
Why Ghosts Are Angry
Greg had no reason to live anymore
So he bought a rope and locked the door
And made a new necklace he tied to the roof
And fell to his death without uttering “oof.”
He opened his eyes and he looked all around
And saw his cadaver and angrily frowned;
Yes, he succeeded in becoming dead
But now he’s a ghost, and immortal instead.
Worse, now the tourists come hither and yon
For signs of the ghost of Greg, who is gone.
He’ll wail and shriek and pray for some help
But the tourists just cheer and write “Five stars” on Yelp.
If its deserved or not, no one can tell
But Greg lives forever in introvert Hell.
Filed under Poems
Higher Education is a Cure for Introversion
I once found it tough
To talk about stuff,
But then I went to college.
Now I regale ya
About paraphernalia
‘Cause now I’ve got the knowledge!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 