One Wednesday a mouse got into the house
Of the woman I love, heart and soul.
She has a cat who’s remarkably fat
But knows not its mouse-catching role.
Her friends have a pug. He’s remarkably ugly
In an adorable way.
He got rewarded because we reported
He pooped twice in the same day.
All of these pets and the prizes they get
Cannot help my heart softly wish
That just for a day I was treated the way
The people I love treat their fish.
Filed under Poems
Tonight we played games ‘til 11:00 PM
Which is a good reason for short poems ™
Filed under Poems
Somebody jumped out of a plane one day
With a bedsheet, said “Wahoo!”
And a generation of millennials will decide if they lived
By whether or not they did that too.
Filed under Poems
There once was a woman whose hair
Was, due to alopecia, not there.
One guy smacked a comic
And I find it ironic
That anyone still seems to care.
Filed under Poems
How often do people say
“There aren’t enough hours in a day”?
But imagine a moment there were:
Picture a day with unlimited hours
For the sweetest of meals and the hottest of showers,
A day without limits of what you can learn,
How hard you can play, how much you can earn,
A day you can retry as much as you like;
You can say something stupid or fall off your bike
Without any fear, any anger or sorrow
Because all who saw you are now in tomorrow
While you’re still enjoying a day with no end
Side by side with a lover, a parent, a friend.
Now what if this day that went on and on
Had many an evening and many a dawn
And seasons and fashions pass by as you walk
At a slow, steady pace with no thought of a clock,
And you had sunny weather and hail and snow
And famine and fortune and high things and low?
That day went so long you were gray in the hair
And your skin started sagging and you’re just halfway there
To the end of a day with no finish in sight,
Growing old, doing good, all the while feeling right.
You remember a detail you knew all along
About what will come when the long day is gone:
When you see the last touchdown and rise of the sun
You’ll not shed a tear that you only got one;
You’ll feel no envy for those who keep going
Because this whole day, your whole life, you’ve lived knowing
You have all the time you will need, so you say
“Thank you for a life lasting only one day.”
Filed under Poems
Somedays I think that people stink;
They’re lazy and they’re rude.
Then I remind myself their kind
Makes all the tasty food,
And so I sniff and get a whiff
Of B.O. and lemonade…
When life gives you lemons, you need to demons
trate that it’s not a bad trade.
Filed under Poems
We’re all human, the same flesh and blood,
And our brains all work the dame way,
But some people think that a child named Dink
Is perfectly fine and okay
While others are Henry for 12 generations
And some are named Diogenese
And yet never in history has someone had
A child named “Delicious Melty Cheese.”
Filed under Poems
In a positive twist on current events,
It seems the number of incidents
Of accidental gunshots dropped
When everybody suddenly stopped
Tolerating anything Russian,
Which apparently included pushing
A swift end to games of Russian Roulette.
So hey! Take what good news you get!
Filed under Poems
I worked 13 hours today
So a two line poem is a-ok.
Filed under Poems
Don’t you love when you decide
“I should update my browser app”
And then two hours later
It’s like the internet took a nap
And you’re wishing you could google
What to do when the web is slow
But your browser app is downloading
And there’s nowhere to go
So instead of browsing
Through memes and news and stuff
You finally say “Screw it”
And admit enough’s enough
And go into the world again
And gaze on nature’s splendor?
I don’t. I write poems instead.
How’s that for a comedic ender?
The Daily Travesty 