They hosted a party
On the banks of the Styx
For the vice-presidents
And the second-round picks,
The guys who won silver,
Who went out with a flicker,
And all the cheerleaders
Who dated the kicker.
They hosted a party
For the closely defeated
To celebrate those
Who quite nearly succeeded.
I was invited
But stayed home instead
‘Cause I hadn’t stopped trying
And wasn’t yet dead.
Filed under Poems
You want to be listened to
Instead of overheard.
You want a conversation
And not just have a word.
You want to celebrate your life
Instead of just staying alive
And because you know the difference
I know someday you’ll thrive.
Filed under Poems
Sometimes you bite
A chocolate chip cookie
But it’s actually oatmeal raisin.
Sometimes you meet with
A girl you don’t like
But she’s actually really amazin’.
Sometimes you’re hired
For the job of your dreams
Which turns into something you dread.
Sometimes a cookie
Is only a cookie
But sometimes it’s a chimpanzee’s head.
Filed under Poems
If a thing is worth the work
Required to do it well
Then it is also worth the time
To be lousy as Hell.
If you hunt and fight and sing
And miss and lose and cry
You’ve far surpassed the many
Who were too afraid to try.
The losers of the universe
Die proudly in the sand,
Pleased to bear their battle scars
With dirt upon their hand.
There are no failures in the world
Of doing what’s worthwhile,
For both the best and all the rest
Have earned the right to smile.
Filed under Poems
I’ve heard you call me lazy,
Saying I get nothing done,
That I’m pale as a potato
‘Cause I’m never in the sun,
That I show up late for everything
And don’t talk very much
And I try to be romantic
But I just seem out of touch.
What I haven’t heard you saying
Is how still my mind can be
And softly sitting in the dark
I’m happy as can be,
That I fight to leave the comfort
That being lonely can afford
And how loving normal people
Often tends to make me bored.
You talk about the negatives
I often demonstrate.
I admit, of course, I do them
But I do them without hate.
I’m a champion of stillness
And a friend to every stress
And what you call “being nobody”
Is what I call success.
Filed under Poems
My car may have it’s share of dings,
I may not buy you fancy things,
I might forget your name a lot,
I might comment “Your mom is hot,”
I might not read your favorite book,
I’ll seldom clean and never cook,
But if you become my wife
You can wear sweat pants for the rest of your life!
Filed under Poems
I used a plastic straw
At one point in my life
Which means I’ll never have a job,
A home, a car, a wife.
I’ll die reviled and alone
And someone will steal my kidney.
I only hope enough turtles live
To guide Marlin to Nemo in Sydney.
Filed under Poems
When I look into your eyes
I see past the grand disguise,
Past the diamonds and the dress
And paint to cover up the stress,
Past your ever-graceful way
Maintained despite a grueling day.
In your eyes, so dark and still,
I see you as no camera will.
In your eyes I see, unhidden,
Slippers, sweatpants, and a kitten.
Twinkle brightly little star
For those who see you as you are.
Filed under Poems
Fellow men, we gaze upon
A rather dismal breaking dawn,
The starting of a pinkish hour
Where sticks and stones have lost their power,
Where words can harm and looks can kill
And love is just “Netflix and Chill.”
Her lips that once you moved to kiss
Now move to bear you false witness.
That bed you’ve long longed to be in
Belongs to the procrustean.
The Goddess idol whom you praised
Commands her temple to be razed.
The deed is done, the seed is sown:
Take comfort in the silicone!
Filed under Poems
