Today I made money
By performing tasks.
That’s why this poem’s late and bad
In case anybody asks.
Tag Archives: Life
Honestly, It Feels Wrong To Give This Poem An Ironic Title, So I’m Just Going To Call It “Charles”
I am not the clothes I wear.
I’m not the style of my hair.
I’m not my height or weight or style,
Neither my scowl nor my smile.
All these things that you can see
Mean nothing to that which is me.
I’m what I do, or so I’ve found;
My body’s just to get around.
Filed under Poems
Success Is A Choice
Somewhere past the mountains,
O’er the river, by the glade
Is a land of fame and fortune
Where a fellow might get laid.
Somewhere by my bedside
There’s chocolate cake and beer
And a whole day to play Skyrim
So my choice is pretty clear.
Filed under Poems
Wake Me Up When September Ends
Some may think it’s pretty neat,
But I just think its’s strange,
That there are people in the street
Protesting climate change,
Demanding that reality
Conform to how they view it
And thinking politicians
Have the tools with which to do it.
Meanwhile, folks RSVP’ed
To commit a federal crime
Via Facebook, storming Area 51.
(This stanza ends with a rhyme)
I think that this September
Is as dumb as a month can get,
But then I smile and remember…
It hasn’t ended yet.
Filed under Poems
We’re All In The Mood For A Melody (And You Know The Rest)
“I’ve got a song for you Billy,”
The executive told Mr. Joel.
“It’s a song for the sad, lonely everyman
“And the pianist has a prominent role.”
“Sounds pretty fly,” Mr. Joel said,
“And I have but one simple request:
“I think we’ll have one short piano bit
“And let harmonica guy do the rest.”
Filed under Poems
Vaping
I said “People love dying of cancer
“And stinky electrical stuff.
“Why don’t we combine them?”
Then the corporations called my bluff.
Filed under Poems
Fade To Black
To the victor go the spoils,
The diamonds and the oils,
The right to raise a flag above
A world that’s not their own.
To the losers, the defeated,
Goes an anger ever-heated,
Simmering for generations
Within each descendant’s bone.
To the watchers, the supporters,
Pulling strings and giving orders
Goes a power of oppression
And, with it, endless pain.
To the peaceful, to the no one,
Goes the best life in the long run,
Remembered in the darkness
Which always will remain.
Filed under Poems
When You Try To Rhyme And It All Goes Wrong
She asked to buy a stove,
A stove she could love.
They asked at what cost?
“The one that costs the most.”
They heard what she said
And watched as she paid.
Then they helped her move
The new stove, her love.
Filed under Poems
Preseason Problems
My girlfriend came home one day,
Just walked in through the kitchen door.
“Do you like my new haircut?”
I asked “What team’s Mynu play for?”
Filed under Poems
Walmart 8: 3-9
3: The disciples were doubtful
4: And they said “Lord, it cannot be done, for no man hath ever done it
5: But Jesus said “Do not be doubtful or have doubt or other synonyms for uncertainty.”
6: And he scanned the first item and placed it in the bagging area.
7: But there was no alarm or error message, and no staff member had to enter an arbitrary code to validate that the avocados were indeed on sale, and the whole purpose of the self checkout was not rendered moot.
8: The disciples were shocked and declared “Jesus Christ!”
9: And Jesus was all like “yeah bro. Nothing is impossible ’cause God.”
Filed under To the Reader
The Daily Travesty 