Snap crackle pop
Is the sound you hear
When you pour rice crispies
And have some fun.
Snap crackle pop
May also appear
When the mouse trap makes
Your husbandly duties done.
Tag Archives: Men
Cologne Options
Fresh cut french fries,
Lavender breeze,
Dusty sweat after a ballgame,
The salt of the seas,
Lime, peaches, and sunflowers,
Grandma’s garlic spaghetti:
Yet you decided to spritz on
“Testosterone Yeti.”
Filed under Poems
Birth, Youth, Life, Dying, Hell
To buy a shiny dump truck toy;
The dream of every little boy.
A loud and topless red machine;
The dream of every male teen.
A pickup and a minivan;
A father, yes, but still a man.
A growling beaut older than he;
A man who can no longer see.
An environmentally friendly car;
Wait, f*** that s***! You’ve gone too far!
Filed under Poems
Some Day My Wife Will Hear Me Singing This And She’ll Slip Quietly Out The Back And Never Be Seen Again
Hush little baby! Don’t you cry
Or I’ll play you an elephant lullaby
And all that trumpeting hurts your ears
And sure, maybe daddy’s had one too many beers…
Filed under Poems
Betting On A Diamond
You couldn’t love a gambling man,
A pal who plays the odds,
Who shakes the dice and throws a wrench
In the plans of man and Gods.
You said you’d never take a chance
On a poker-faced son
But I’d bet if you took a chance
You’d find me pretty fun.
You used to ace your math exams.
You were the queen of school
But the odds weren’t in your favor
With Jack, the king of cool.
Jack would have told you “yes, of course”
If you asked him to dance
But no-go there! You didn’t dare
To take this simple chance.
So Jack’s bad luck’s my inside straight
So let me take the shot:
If you give me your hand of fate
You may just win a lot.
Filed under Poems
Hygiene Standards
I walked down the rows
Of “Bed, Bath, and Beyond“
Smelling hand soaps with names
Like “Starlight” and “Palm Frond”.
Then I left to go back
To “Bob’s Soap Retailer”
Where they sell soap called “White”
And “Hope She Lets You Impale ‘Er”.
Filed under Poems
Enthusiasm Has Its Limits
They put a DVD
In the Nintendo Wii.
They told me “Just Dance”
So I ripped off my pants
And now nobody’s playing with me…
Filed under Poems
If It’s A Cylinder, It Can Phwoom-Vwoom-Schwaa!
She saw a roll of wrapping paper,
A pool noodle, and a stick.
He saw a lightsaber, a lightsaber, and a lightsaber
Because he has a dick.
Filed under Poems
What Do Poets Do At Night? The True Story Revealed!
Tonight I stayed home to guarantee
I could sign up for an event at 6:00 PM.
I spent most of the afternoon watching TV,
Specifically the Seahawks get their ass handed to them.
I was also playing video games
And burning wood to keep my house hot.
I had an awesome time doing everything but
Did I sign up for the event? No I did not.
I spent an evening by myself
Eating cookies and shouting “Dude!”
At the TV, so although I’m a dumby
My man card’s 1,000-percent renewed!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 