I do not know the muffin man.
I really don’t know nothing, man.
All I know is muffin man
Repeats things, so I’m told.
I’ll tell you of the muffin man
Since you’re no fan of muffin man.
You’ll hear repeats by muffin man
‘Cause the teleprompter’s old.
Tag Archives: Parody
We Were Always At Least 51% Confident That We Were The Best…
The itsy-bitsy Seahawks
Flew up the water spout.
The one-yard line
Injected us with doubt.
Out came the sun
In San Francisco bay
And the itsy-bitsy Seahawks
Are champions today!
This poem is dedicated to Kenneth Walker III, the first running back in decades to win super bowl MVP.
Good things come when you run the ball.
Filed under Poems
The Sound Of Christmas
Hello Santa, my old friend.
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because it seems that you have been creeping,
Watching me while I was sleeping,
And the rating that you gave me on your list
Still persists
Within the sound of Christmas.
On snowy streets I walked alone,
Seeking humbly to atone.
Sounds of sleigh bells ‘round the holidays
Remind me all about my naughty ways
And my eyes are peeled for the red of a nose so bright
To light the night,
Guiding your flight this Christmas.
And in the Winter night I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People shopping without speaking
Snowflakes falling but not glistening,
Heard the same old songs from the 1950’s blared;
No one cared
To change the sound of Christmas.
“Fools” said I, “He always knows
How many sizes your hearts grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you
To not be naughty. I beseech you.”
But my words like silent snowflakes fell
And echoed with the bells of Christmas.
And the people bowed and prayed
Where the son of God was laid
While the signs flashed out their decree:
“Come in and buy one and you’ll get one free.”
And the line down the sidewalk
Seeking discounts will find their goal
And get some coal
In their stocking this Christmas”
Filed under Poems
Gotta Earn That $25 Visa Gift Card Christmas Bonus!
‘Twas the night before Monday,
The holiday’s end,
And the workers had finished
Their Black Friday spend.
Their cars were all parked
With their windshields frosted
And bellies were bulging
From turkeys accosted.
When all of a sudden
There came such a clatter
And the bosses were shocked,
Asking what was the matter
That caused half the workers
To all call in sick.
Was it coincident timing
Or some type of trick?
So the managers dialed
A flurry of phones
And said, “Hey how are you”
In indifferent tones
Before they proceeded
With the meat of their call:
“You must come in tomorrow
“Or not come back at all.”
And so all the workers
With debt growing daily
Said “Sure, see you Monday”
While giggling gaily.
Then the bosses drove off
To their villas, inspired.
Merry Monday to all!
Get to work or you’re fired!
Filed under Poems
Book Review: A Dark And Horny Knight
It’s about this guy who’s a demon
With virile and plentiful… oh lord.
I tried dear, I swear
But I really don’t dare
To review the books that have you screamin’.
Filed under Poems
Is This How Pokemon Started?
Tiger tiger, burning bright
In the zoo, so late at night.
Alas, it seems those corporate jerks
Failed to show how the extinguisher works.
Filed under Poems
And For June’s Bingo Card…
Donald and Elon sitting in a tree
T.W… oops… X.I.N.G.
First come threats
War comes later
And wait, is that Kanye playing mediator?
Filed under Poems
I Can Call Him Black, But If He Says It Back That Misogy-tea
I’m a little teapot, short and stout.
I’m looking for a kettle six-foot or thereabout
Who makes a hefty salary, and when I shout
He wins me over and takes me out.
Filed under Poems
Want To Disable Blood Rain For $0.99?
Pestilence, Famine, Death, and War:
These are the mythic Horsemen four.
Another we’ll add in the next transcription:
It’s named, “To Continue, Please Buy A Subscription”.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 