Soft doggy, warm doggy,
You I do implore:
Happy doggy, sleepy doggy,
Please don’t poop at midnight right outside my bedroom door.
Again.
Tag Archives: Parody
To All The PhDs Enjoying a Sporting Event Today (Or On A Given Future Day, Circumstances Permitting)
I realize this day is special
For a contest will take place
In which genetically superior constituents
Will seek, in scoring, to outpace
Their counterparts in opposition
Within a time allotted,
Thus justifying the fiduciary endowments
With which said constituents are besotted.
I hope that in future contests
Of similar athletic variety
That your subgroup of physically-fit object-movers
May prove worthy of your them-focused piety.
In fact, I would extend my well wishes
That your team may excel in perpetuity
Until their superior members inevitably decay
And we may correct our lost-time incongruity.
Filed under Poems
The Gingerbread’s Regrets
I told them to run, run, run.
In fact, I mercilessly taunted.
Alas the final result
Was nothing like what I wanted.
I did not fully consider
When all was said and done
The degree of just how slowly
We cookie-men can run.
Filed under Poems
See Spot Run
See spot run.
Spot runs fast
Because if Spot
Comes in last
Spot will lose
His family’s approval
Which will lead, in relation
To his house, his removal.
Spot enjoys
Not living on the street
So Spot runs fast.
Of foot, he is fleet.
Spot comes in second
Which Jane thinks is slick.
Alas, Spot’s owner
Is a Dick.
Filed under Poems
USA, November 2016
Roses are reds,
Violets are blue,
These are both valid points, and I’ll address them in a moment, but first…
But does anyone stop to comfort the violets in their sorrow? Even once?
No!
You know, depression is a chemical imbalance and has many dangerous side effects. But when it becomes a part of ones identity, as it has for the violets, it transcends its mortal debilitation and becomes a blight on the very soul.
When I’m elected, I’m going to make violets purple again! And not by adding rose colored glasses, no. Not by that. Who needs all the thorns roses bring anyway? No, I dream of a garden where honest, hardworking violets can grow bigly without the radical redness of roses!
In other words, f*** you roses.
Let’s Get Pruning ™
This poem brought to you by Goldman Sachs.
Filed under Poems
“An Updated Classic” Or “Backstory”
It was one of those days
When you want apple pie
But the waitress is cute
And you’re just too shy.
It’s one of those days
To spend at the riverbank
But when you drive there, the water’s
All stuck in a tank.
You want to hang out
With men who are classy
But good guys are drunk, so you settle
For guys who’re half-assy.
And you and your half-assy
Friends you’ll soon see
Just sit around singing
About mortality.
Oh my my,
I missed the American pie.
Drove my chevy to the levy
But the levy was dry,
And the good old boys
Were drinking whiskey and rye.
Yeah, I guess this’ll be
The day that I die.
Four Percent of Poetry Readers Will Understand This Poem – Stanza Six Will Shock You!
Hey honey bunny,
Maybe you can help me?
I’m trying to think of a rhyme.
I need a word that means “nectar”
That rhymes with “rabbit.”
I’ve thought about it for a long time…
Filed under Poems
Winter is Coming
Oh you’d better watch out.
You probably will die.
You slept with your sister,
Not gonna lie.
Game of Thrones is coming to town.
You’ve finished the season
And now you must wait.
Don’t lose your head…
Oops, too late.
Game of Thrones is coming to town.
The characters are creepy.
The show keeps you awake.
They’ll kill off eveyone you like,
So like Joffrey for all our sakes.
The Cat In The Lap
‘Twas a quiet day in the house
And a good day to be a mouse
For as the sly poet tried to come up with crap
The cat on the floor flew onto his lap.
“Hello there kitty,” the poet did shout
As the cat proceeded to let its hair all fall out.
The poet spoke more and stroked it’s blonde fur,
And the cat licked itself and mumbled a purr.
Then the poet’s appointment, confirmed as it was,
Took precedence over the self-licking fuzz.
And so he departed, and the cat in the lap
Lay down in his sheddings for his apathy nap.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 
NFL Commentary
How do you like those Animals?
They’ve got grit and size and speed.
Getting the ball from the QB’s hands
To the receiver’s what they need.
They’ve got guys who make a difference,
They’re just as strong as they seem,
And I think they’ll be successful
If they score more than the other team.
Rate this:
Share this:
Leave a comment
Filed under Poems
Tagged as Commentary, Football, Good Advice, Humor, Parody, Poetry, Postaday, Sports