Captain Daniel Anderson
Stood before the 3rd infantry
And called out, “Men, a moment!
“We’ll soon meet destiny.
“Be brave! Be bold! Remember
“That we served each other well.
“Now on we go to victory
“Or tonight we’ll dine in Hell!”
Well Captain Daniel Anderson
And the 3rd infantry fought
With tooth and nail, but doomed to fail;
Their efforts came to naught.
So once again he called out
“We did all that we could do.”
Then they sat for dinner
At a party thrown by you.
Filed under Poems
Any time I write a poem with a lotta letters
I get a temptation that of me can get the better:
You may have to read twice or the joke you will not get her…
Heeeeeey Macarena!
Filed under Poems
There was a piece of paper
Atop a tower tall
Who sought to end its lonely life
Through one climactic fall
But when he took that fateful leap
He found out he could fly
And soared for miles in ecstasy
Instead of trying to die.
And when the paper fluttered
To the Earth, it climbed again
And leapt and soared, rinse and repeat,
Or so said CNN.
Filed under Poems
I once was in love with a dame
Who, for privacy’s sake, I won’t name.
When I undressed, she shouted,
Which I think is undoubted
Why I had to leave the park. Lame!
Filed under Poems
Shinji-San, as your boss
It is my job to say
I haven’t seen you working
Since at least last Saturday.
I haven’t seen you punching in,
I haven’t heard your voice,
And so I called you in today
Because I have no choice…
I’m giving you a pay raise
And your choice of special perk.
You’re a fantastic ninja
And I hope to see less good work.
Filed under Poems
Ladies: I am five-foot-two,
Bald, and overweight
With a salary four figures long
And a commemorative bowling plate.
Now sure, I know you’re thinking
“Does he know how bad that sounds?”
Well… if they circumcised me
I would lose 100 pounds…
Filed under Poems
I met a guy
Who was afraid of the ocean,
The salt and the seaweed
And unending motion.
I said “You can fix it!
“Come swimming with me!”
Then I murdered and canned him
‘Cause he was Chicken of the Sea.
Filed under Poems
I think the greatest opportunity
Anyone ever missed
Was “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter”
Not making butter, ’cause what a twist!
Filed under Poems
He found the perfect woman
And he bought the perfect ring
And he planned a perfect marriage
For a perfect queen and king.
Together in the gardens
He knelt and asked, “Would you…?”
And she took a knee beside him
And they silently protested racial injustice in sports.
Filed under Poems
Two years ago on Sunday
I looked into her eyes
And promised her I love her
And I’m not like other guys.
One year ago on Sunday
I met with her and said
I’d fly us both to Venice
And we’d never leave the bed.
And now this year on Sunday
I’ll ask her to be my bride
And maybe this time she’ll says yes
And I’ll feel good inside!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 