I went through a stage when I was an actor.
I think the hole in the floor was a factor.
The said “Break a leg,” so I did obey.
Now I have my own cast I don’t have to pay!
Tag Archives: poems
Go Cry To… Oops
There’s nothing anyone can say
That won’t offend another.
For instance, if you say
That you live with your mother
Women call you loser,
Men will say you suck,
And orphans will be pissed
Because some guys get all the luck.
Filed under Poems
The News Be Like…
It is a fact from an incited source
That 30 percent of collisions
Are the result of someone driving drunk;
In other words, poor decisions.
That means that 70 percent
Of sober drivers crash.
Driving without drinking
Is, according to statistic, rash.
That fact, if analyzed in depth
Means that driving sober will
Increase your chances by 133%
That, by driving, you will kill.
Filed under Poems
Faith, Hope, and Love
Faith, hope, and love are good things He gave us,
From His bright temple so high up above,
Hoping that our faith in Him would show us
That the greatest of these many is love.
I’ve met women named both Faith and Hope though
And hoped to find a faithful love with them,
And hope for Hope and faith in Faith did grow
Though faithful love I hoped for would not stem.
But sometimes for what you hope and you pray
Are not what faith intended at that hour;
Sometimes what seems like hope misplaced may say
That patience can be full of wondrous power.
So here I am, my faith tested before
Still hopes your love is still worth hoping for.
Filed under Poems
So The Nuclear Button Might Bring Them Back?
Maybe, just maybe
Dragons aren’t here anymore
Because they breathed fire
But now the sky is full of air?
Filed under Poems
Somebody Once Told Me…
I proudly draw a perfect circle
And then somebody screams…
“It’s a Venn Diagram of people born in the ’90’s
“And people who like to make memes!”
Filed under Poems
And He Was Like, “Bohemian Rhapsody Is So Long…”
Sometimes you park your car
Just when a song starts playing
And you sing along, now knowing
That your plans are worth delaying.
For some folks it’s the Beatles,
And for some the Rolling Stones.
For me it’s Wagner’s Ring Cycle
Which is why I’m a pile of bones.
Filed under Poems
It’s A Mystery!
I don’t get why some folks don’t like me.
I do all the things that they say
Like supporting the wenches and slant-eyes and injuns
And even my cousin who’s gay.
I don’t get why people think I am offensive
When all thems is stupid and fat.
I guess they must envy my skills in the kitchen…
Those Jews don’t know how to cook rat!
Filed under Poems
From the Diary of Washington’s Next Top Martyr
This afternoon, Jay Inslee,
The Governor of WA,
Mandated everyone wear masks
To which I stated: “Ha!”
The problem with such mandates
Is that if up the police show
You can say “I’m attracted to plants today”
And they have to let you go.
When Your Roommate Asks You To Demonstrate Basic Hygiene, But You Demonstrate Basic Verbal Agility Instead
You told me, “Take the garbage out,”
And, I’ll admit, I tried.
Alas, your sister’s married
And refused to go outside.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 