I got a job at the olive oil factory
And my coworker is a nun.
Now they can write “Extra Virgin” again
‘Cause for a while they just had one.
Tag Archives: poems
Tucker’s One Regret
When I was in Kindergarten
We all sang a song
That was very fun
But not very long
That went “Hannah Hannah Bo Banna
“Banana fana fo fana
Me my mo mannah
Hannah.”
We sang it over and over
Until whenever the time came
That everyone but me had been called
But they never did my name…
Filed under Poems
No Pain, No Gawain
I am getting sleepy
And I open wide to yawn,
Then I march into my bedroom
And put plate armor on.
My chainmail hugs me tightly
And I fall into a heap…
This is what I have to do
To get a good knight’s sleep.
Filed under Poems
When Dad Talks To Your Friends
Tubing is rad
And, like, what’s up my homies?
I like Minecraft and pickles
And my sister’s a bronie.
I got shizzle for days
And my swag is so tight…
Wait, what do you mean
I’m not saying it right?
Filed under Poems
I Hope I Never Have To Read This Poem Out Loud
For every book ever written
And every food ever bitten
There’s that one guy who is not admittin’
He doesn’t know how to pronounce the word “chitin”.
Filed under Poems
Aztec Millennials
Two cannibals awoke on Sunday
And went for brunch at a cafe.
One said “I’ve got a hunch
“That the real brunch
“Is the friends we’ll meet along the way.”
Filed under Poems
Why Even Numbers Are Boring
One is the loneliest number
And two can be as bad as one
Three is a crowd
Four is twice as bad as one
Five has no particular qualities
Six is three times as bad as one…
Filed under Poems
I May Not Have Love, But My Mattress Full Of Money Keeps Me Warm At Night
If you’re having trouble with a breakup,
Feeling glum, and lacking sex
Just remember Elon Musk bought Twitter,
Flipped the bird, and called it his “X”.
The Daily Travesty 