Yesterday
All my motivation went away
Now I’m writing you this poem today,
A parody
Of yesterday.
Tag Archives: Poetry
A Brain Teaser
If you’re thinking too much
About overthinking
Then I think that you think
That your thinking is sinking
Your chance to think straight
And straight thoughts slink away
And by thinking of slinking
You’ll think of a way
To link up your thinking
And think slinking thoughts
‘Til you out-think the thinkers,
Both humans and bots.
If you understand this
Your thinking is zen,
But if you think you’re done thinking
Then you’d best think again.
Filed under Poems
A Potion For Happiness
Start with a cold cup of water
With an ice cube or two to be sure,
Then pour in some lemon and iodine
And crack in an egg, raw and pure.
Whisk it with vigor and emphasis
Then plop in a gobbet of spit.
Your potion is done! Now go find someone,
And into their face you toss it!
Filed under Poems
What? You’re Not Immediately Buying My Books? I Guess The Stock Music And Multiracial Couples From The TV Do Something After All…
There once was a guy and his dog
And they read limericks on a blog.
Now he’s married to a hotty
And he drives a bugatti
And he owns a sweet mansion in Prague.
Filed under Poems
Thus, I Accepted My Fate
The dragon loomed above me
Drooling volcanic spittle.
He said to me “I’ll spare your life
“If you answer me this riddle.”
Then I saw the dragon smile,
Its eyes a golden sheen:
“What’s harder to fix? The government
“Or the McDonald’s ice cream machine?”
Filed under Poems
How I Don’t Miss It
There once was a prospective miss
Who offered a lackluster kiss.
I just stood there thinking
“I could’ve gone drinking
“Yet I ironed my shirt just for this?”
Filed under Poems
What’s Your Type?
Some men like big butts
And some like them small;
Some like short women
And some like them tall.
Some men like long hair
And some men like bald;
Some guys love feet pics
And some are appalled.
Some men like titties
And no men do not;
Some find legs sexy
And some find them hot.
Some men like fat girls
And some like them slim;
Some guys like all these
And some prefer him.
Guys are to horny
As goats are to hunger;
Some use their fingers
And some guys will tongue ‘er.
So if you’re a woman
And feel insecure
Just know if you ask him
Some guys will say “sure.”
Filed under Poems
Alternate Political Thoughts
Roosevelt called it “A New Deal.”
‘Twas just an IOU.
He didn’t know who’d pay for it,
But turns out that it’s you.
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Emancipation proclamation?
More like “Cut the black a little slack”.
—————————————————————
Medicine prices don’t seem fair?
Let’s have some Obamacare!
Instead of paying to heal me
I pay so you get care for free!
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There’ve been 27 amendments,
Of which ten were automatic
In this American republic
Which is also democratic.
One was banning alcohol.
One was saying “Oops, our bad”
And that may be the greatest unity
The States have ever had.
Filed under Poems
Billionaire Dads Be Like
“Daddy, I want a spaceship”
Were the last words my son said
Before I gave him a spaceship
And sent him off to bed.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 