Tag Archives: Politically Incorrect

My First Sponsor!

Dear readers, it gives me great Pride(tm) that my blog, a long-time proponent of mediocrity in all forms, has chosen to partner with America’s favorite soft drink:

PIDD!

PIDD! (or Performance Inhibiting Drug Drink) has been taking the world by storm (consensually, of course). Inspired by brands like Disney, Bud Light, and OceanGate, PIDD! is sinking its teeth into all the things that once made you happy like:

The NBA (Nubile Boys of America)

MMA (Male Maidens Association)

UPS (Un-Penissing Service)

UN (United Nations)

And many more!

PIDD! is the only soft drink that makes you softer in both body and mind. It helped Lia Thomas become the first man to win the NCAA women’s 500m freestyle, helped Caitlyn Jenner become Glamour Magazine’s first male Woman of the Year, and now it can help your children become anything we want them to be!

So just like Luke Skywalker, Indiana Jones, James Bond, and the other heroes of your childhood, crack open a can of PIDD! (or pour a lukewarm glass of inner-city tap water) and let’s toast a future where men don’t have to stay that way.

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A Day In The Life Of A Hero

I’m going to a climate conference

To inspire both hope and confidence

But I’m not sure which jet I should ride

So I’ll take both. I’m too rich to decide!

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Humor Is Under Fire?

I am worried that soon we’ll see

A world where saying “Hehehe”

Is banned, and we must laugh a new way

That sounds akin to “Theytheythey”.

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Why People Don’t Write Sonnets Anymore

As the auburn sunrise comes to settle

O’er the rocky hillside by the pine tree

Two boys compete to test th’others mettle

And by “boy” we mean those who cannot biologically experience pregnancy

And we do acknowledge that some who can experience pregnancy do identify as boys

And some who cannot do not identify as boys, but as ceilings

And then they hit each other with their Star Wars episode XXVIII toys

And were told “No D’CarsenIsabellaLiam”, which hurt their feelings

So their parents apologized, whether

Or not that was the thing for them to do

And they sang “Hail to the Chief” together

As the auburn sunset signaled curfew.

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Priorities

If you put your life on the line

To defend our nation

You get one day for

A long weekend vacation.

If you decide

“Everyone turns me on”

You get all of June

To be praised unto dawn.

But whether you’re mad

That the alphabet crew

Get a month, or that veterans

Kinda get screwed

What we must remember

With all we hold dear

Is that China gives bunnies

A whole freakin’ year!

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Requires At Least 18 Years Of Continuous Experience In This Gender

We’ve finally reached the fated day

Where your date presents a resume

And you have to ask her in detail

About the gap in her experience as a female

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JK Rowling Be Like…

If “I want women to be safe from men”

Is good to believe, please answer this then:

Why’s “I want women to be safe from men wearing dresses”

Causing so many social media messes?

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Sincerely, Asian Parents

If at first you don’t succeed

Find a doctor or lawyer with which to breed

Then every day remind your kid

They need to succeed at what you never did.

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What Your Teacher Is Really Thinking About

I remember when saying “Thank you Ma’am”

Was polite, not a micro-aggression.

I recall when when “Boys and girls”

Was how you called kids to attention.

I was there when, instead of a mask,

We taught kids to cover their cough.

Now I work and stay quiet ‘cause I can’t deny

It is nice to still get summers off.

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Divorce, The Old-Fashioned Way

If I had a hundred camels

And a thousand mules

I could buy your daughter’s love

‘Cause those are the nuptial rules.

But you’d demand a thousand camels

And diamonds by the sack

If I got to know your daughter

And wanted to give her back.

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