Gentiles got foreskins, ya,
But my bros got candles nine.
We only got a day of oil
But there’s God, so we’ll be fine.
We can burn these candles y’all
For a dozen days or so
And all you got’s a baby
In a manger full of snow?
You get one day of giving gifts;
We’ve got a fortnight minus two
Plus no Mariah Carey
So come become a jew!
Filed under Poems
So a hundred thousand novels
Get published every year
But we still go back and read
“Tom Sawyer” and “King Lear”.
We’ve made games in 3D space
So lifelike it’s surreal
But we still enjoy our Tetris
And that hungry yellow wheel.
We have so many robots
That they’re not even that cool
And we had an entire year
Of watching videos at school
But yet we yearn to venture back
Into a simpler day
Where nobody would cancel us
If we said “Bro, that’s gay.”
Filed under Poems
It’s not that we don’t want a woman
As president of the USA…
It’s that our two female options so far
Would get melted by water. Ok?
Filed under Poems
Have you heard about Tiananmen Square?
Well, in case you weren’t aware
China did some bad stuff.
I hope this limerick’s enough
To get Chinese spammers out of my hair.
Filed under Poems
Kamala is a person
Who’s been in political office for years.
The following are her accomplishments
That distinguish her from peers:
Filed under Poems
Timmy wasn’t happy.
Timmy threw a fit.
Timmy is annoying.
He’s a little piece of shit.
Timmy has a blanket
That teacher took away.
Timmy started crying
‘Cause he’s dumb and fat and gay.
The office called Ms. Timmy
And said “your son is sad”.
Ms. Timmy said, “He should be
“‘Cause he never met his dad.”
Then Timmy got a rifle
From the democratic party
And he took a shot at Donald
And now they call him “Smarty.”
Filed under Poems
So Tuesday night on ABC
Two candidates arrived
And competed for whose speeches
Sounded the least contrived.
Some faces asked them questions
Which neither deigned to answer.
It assured me of my decision:
That it’s time to vote for cancer.
Filed under Poems
If at first you don’t succeed
Claim that you have higher need
Then take your handouts from the gov
‘Til bombs start dropping from above.
Filed under Poems
Una vez hubo un copo de nieve cerca de ti.
Podrían ser homosexuales o judíos.
Envíales esta publicación
Como un asado sutil
Porque eso es lo que te pedí que hicieras.
Filed under Poems
There once was a bigass windmill
That stood on a bigass hill.
A bigass gust of wind
Made the bigass fan spinned
So why I still got a power bill?
Filed under Poems
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