There once was a buck from Melrose
Who smelled something sweet with his nose.
His friends said “That crap’ll
“Most oft be an apple.
“Forget it. Let’s go out and win does.”
Tag Archives: Puns
That Went Whale…
There once was a lovely young seal
Who captured my sea-mammal heart.
She had an adorable squeal
That made all my fantasies start.
I asked her to go for a drink with me
At a hip new place called “Chez Rubbing”.
But I scared her away. I’d forgotten
That seal babes aren’t fans of clubbing.
Filed under Poems
It Pairs Well With Ghoulash
There once were some zombies from Crete
Who hungered for sentient meat.
They sat and moaned “braaains”
‘Til a skeleton came
With some brains and said “Bone appetite.”
Filed under Poems
Green Power Meets Greek Power
A giant electric windmill met Sisyphus
And asked, “Do you like music, man?”
Sisyphus said, “Anything but rock and roll.”
The turbine said, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Filed under Poems
A Depends-able Workers
My boss said I’m incompetent
Because I visit the bathroom a lot.
Then I developed incontinence
And now visit that room I do not.
Filed under Poems
Another Cow Poem
Jared was still very small
When he saw cattle fall
Into a slumber, fast and deep.
With no reason or rhyme
Someone said “It’s pasture bedtime”
And so Jared went home and fell asleep.
Filed under Poems
Golden Slipper
I slipped on a banana
And fell on my butt
And it excited me
Because you know what?
Everyone told me “you’ll never
“Be yogurt” but I fought ‘em
And now look at me!
I’ve got fruit on the bottom!
Filed under Poems
A Meal To Die For
I was in Transylvania
On a foolish holiday
When a vampire decided
To make me not ok.
I saw that he was hungry
But I sought to understand
What filled this monster’s heart
In this spooky far-off land.
He said when he was mortal
He had owned a ranch,
And the finest heads of cattle
Came from his European branch.
He longed for the days of yore
When cooking was an art,
So I cooked him up a ribeye.
It was a steak through his heart.
Filed under Poems
Aldous Approves
There once was a gaudy raven
Who wore a crown, but wasn’t a king.
A pair of humans saw this
And plotted a wicked thing.
They aimed to kill the impostor
So around the land ‘twould be heard:
“Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
“Two kill a mock king bird!”
Filed under Poems
One Joke Too Far
I walked up to my teacher
When I was eight years old
And smiled widely and said this,
Or so I have been told:
“Why’d the agoraphobic sled dog
“Not eat the deluxe pizza on the floor?
“He was afraid of too much mush room.”
That’s why I don’t go to school anymore.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 