Tag Archives: Silly

Is It Too Late To Enlist?

I wished to be a poet. I thought that would be fine

But I had to be a sailor; I could only write two lines

And a gee and a hey and doodle dawdle yah!

Oh my English class was easy, that much is very true,

But I’d only write twelve syllables and not a whole haiku

And a gee and a hey and doodle dawdle yah!

But if you have no talent for stayin’ ‘round a while

They told me that the Navy would snap me up and smile

And a gee and a hey and doodle dawdle yah!

Turns out in the Navy there’s a whole entire job

For writing two line songs to sing while cleanin’ with a swab

And a gee and a hey and doodle dawdle yah!

My captain has a button that can nuke our enemies

But I can make him tap his foot across the seven seas

And a gee and a hey and doodle dawdle yah!

And a gee!

And a hey!

And doodle

Dawdle

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

(Mic drop)

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Filed under Lyrics, Poems

A Meme Is Born…

It’s been 6 hours since Donald

Gave a speech at Capitol Hill

Expressing his opinions

And imposing his Donaldly will

But the question that America

Will be asking is not about that.

Instead, we’re asking what’s the deal

With Melania’s mile-wide hat.

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They Always Said He Was Watching…

So I got a notification

That says God is following my blog…

I guess I’m no longer an atheist

And perhaps I should learn how to jog?

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Know Any Urologists Hiring A Marketing Expert?

If your Weiner is white

Or your Weiner is black

You’ll be alright.

I’ll cut you some slack;

If your Weiner is red

Or your Weiner is yellow

You might have a problem.

But I know a fellow!

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When You Have A Questionable Job And Media-Literate Coworkers

Today I went back to work

And I had an amazing day

That was absolutely fantastic

In every single way!

I got paid well and my colleagues

Are fine, upstanding folks

And I’m sharing this with you

So I don’t get fired for writing jokes.

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Portmanteau-tally Wonderful!

My wife is ultradorable

And superfect as well.

I think she’s megawesome

And my only fear is she’ll

Come home with a horse one day

That she was drunkenjoying

Because, although she’s gigamazing,

She can be equestriannoying.

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Fun Ideas For Improving The World #682

I think we need a theme park

Called IQ Test Land

Where every ride is deadly

(Intentionally planned)

And a prize will be given

To the one lucky guest

Who survives on the rides

Longer than all the rest.

It’s not a solution

Without any flaws

And may be against

International laws

But in the week that its open

The world will be cleared

Of many a person

Who think seat belts are weird.

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Unlock Next Year’s Poem For $99.99/Month (50% Off)?

I had a lovely afternoon

About which you’ll never hear

Because I’m saving the clever poems

For probably sometime next year.

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Marketing, Baby!

Women buy all kinds of scented candles

With scents like Carmel Apple and Sandalwood.

These candles smell like what the label tells you

And that kind of clarity is good.

The reason men don’t buy more scented candles

Is because the candles don’t have scents for a guy

Like “Cool Sports Rush”, “Hang Ten”, or “Anaconda”

Which are the smells we men have proved we’ll buy.

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I Used To Dress Up Like Grandma… Now I Save Other Animals From My Mistake

The big bad wolf went down to the coop

Where the farmer said “There’s 38 genders.”

The wolf ain’t ate no chickens so far

But he ate the chicken tenders.

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Filed under Poems