They say money can’t buy happiness
And maybe they are right
But money can buy spiders
That you can give people out of spite
And spiteful spider-giving
Puts a smile on my face
When I put those “money can’t buy” people
In their rightful place.
Tag Archives: Spiders
Do Your Job!
I get that without spiders
Other bugs would be more numerous,
But I still find it sorta said
And even moreso humorous
That despite there being webs everywhere
The bugs are still voluminous.
This is the dilemma of our time
And a cornerstone of humanness.
Filed under Poems
Spiders
Did you feel that on your head,
In the shower and your bed,
On the ceilings and the wall,
Skittering at the start of Fall?
Did you feel those hairy feet
And venomous mandibles that eat
The other monstrous hairy things
That fly about on silver wings?
Did you see the spiders skitter,
There oh-so-many eyes a glitter?
I saw one last night in town
Which is why I burned the city down.
Filed under Poems
Male Black Widow Problems
Today is Friday night.
I’m with my darling wife.
We’re gonna have some crazy sex
‘Cause I am done with life.
Filed under Poems
No Problem Officer… I Handled It
There once was a spider in my room
That met a most violent doom.
Other spiders said “Yahoo!
“Let’s all go there too!”
And that’s why my shotgun went boom.
Filed under Poems
The Enemy of My Enemy
You might be afraid of tigers.
You might run away from a bear,
But when a spider on your ceiling
Can give you such a scare
Think of the microscopic guy
Who made the spider hide up there!
Filed under Poems
DEFENSELESS FOOLS!!!
People are trying to ban firearms
As if they could assume
That they wouldn’t need a gun
If a spider came in their room…
Filed under Poems
The Circle Of Life
Beneath the cloudless golden sky of Summer,
Atop the countless rainbow leaves of Fall,
In the stinging hail and drifting snow of Winter,
I lived happily ever after after all.
And in the rains and flowery winds of Springtime
When life, besieged by Winter comes to mend,
I find a big ass spider in my shower
And the fairy tale (and spider’s life) must end.
Filed under Poems
About Your Pet Spider…
If you tell me to take care of
A monster with eight eyes
I hope you won’t be unhappy
When it inevitably dies.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 