So folks are setting off fireworks
On the night of July 3rd
And at first, I’ll admit I was tempted
To flip such folks the bird.
In the spirit of peace and happiness
I instead propose humbly
To instead give them drugs and fireworks
In massive quantities.
Sure, this year the death toll
May be massive, but I say
It’s a way to purge the people
Who can’t wait just one more day.
Filed under Poems
July 4th is a holiday
At least here in the USA
That’s currently four days away
But some folks think that it’s ok
To have a firework display
Every single night and day
Instead of waiting. Now I pray
That those people will go away
So when upon my bed I lay
Into dreamland I’ll go and stay.
Filed under Poems
If you say something sweet to a glacier
And it melts their icy heart
They quietly whisper, “thawwwwwww”
And that’s how global warming starts.
Filed under Poems
Iran said to America, “You da bomb.”
America said, “No, you da bomb.”
And everything would have been ok
Except Israel ran and told their mom.
Filed under Poems
Maybe if we hugged
Pterodactyls every day
We would have world peace
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Cheese comes from a can
Also from mammal udders
Therefore cows are steel
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Climate change is bad.
So is hitting little kids.
#ChangedMyLife
Filed under Poems
Knock knock. Who’s there? Joe.
Joe who? Joe Mom! LOL!
My poor future kids…
Filed under Poems
“Put on some sunscreen,” they said,
“Or else you’ll get all burnt and red.”
Now my flesh is peeling
And I have the feeling
That I have been grossly misled.
Filed under Poems
Donald and Elon sitting in a tree
T.W… oops… X.I.N.G.
First come threats
War comes later
And wait, is that Kanye playing mediator?
Filed under Poems
Timmy was a troubled child
Who wouldn’t do his work.
When Timmy didn’t pass his class
His mom became a jerk
And met with Timmy’s principal:
“If Timmy doesn’t walk
“At graduation, your boss and I
“Will have a little talk.”
Well the principal’s salary
Is based on graduation rate
So he waived Timmy’s missing stuff
And got thanked by the state.
Timmy is a graduate.
The principal got paid.
Society got a synoym
For “screwed” and “loved” and “laid.”
Filed under Poems
Today I learned in school
That everyone’s equally cool
So I wore my knickerbocker.
Now I’m cool inside my locker.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 