I places 3rd out of 4 teams
At the cornhole tournaments.
I scored 6 points in two games
And I’ve felt so manly since.
I also walked in a cardboard box
And fell on my cardboard face.
That’s a Wednesday afternoon
At my Summer place!
Tag Archives: Travesty
D… Wait For It… UUUUUH!
Muffins and pizza and cake are delicious
Although, to my stomach, are often malicious.
Will I endure farting, mood swings, and pudge
To eat one more slice, with a side dish of fudge?
Filed under Poems
Road Trip Anthem
Today I took a little drive
That did not make me smile and thrive.
I’d summarize the sojourn thusly:
Worthy of a verbal cuss. We
Stopped and go’ed, and go and stop
Now let’s go 80! Was that a cop?
Nope, no cops are on the road
And why can’t that Kia explode?
Also, props to the white car chap
Who had a kitty on his lap.
Those are hours, forever gone
And meanwhile Kia guy lives on…
Filed under Poems
Art
Art.
Art is when your self-expression
Is super meaningful and deep
In a way that nobody else understands.
It doesn’t rhyme
Or look like reality
Or sell in Peoria
(Or anywhere else for that matter).
It has imagery in it
Like “Salty red horse”
Or “Spider fingers”
That evoke people’s minds
But don’t make them think.
Art is for people who feel
Or who have a lot of money
That they need to launder
And also lots of wall space.
Art.
Carrier pigeon with orange sauce.
Filed under Poems
HUMAN VS CATERPILLAR… THE ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN 💥💣🌋🐛
From the Earth arises, soft,
The tiny caterpillar
Which, to the baby bird, will serve
As a tiny belly filler.
The baby birds grow big and strong
And humans shoot and eat ‘em
And that is why the caterpillar
Will never defeat ‘em.
Filed under Poems
And The Items On The Shelves Sighed With Relief
There once was an Isle of Cat
Where the felines were wild and fat.
They all got along great,
Which is something cats hate,
So they ran away, and that was that.
Filed under Poems
She’s Still My Muse, But…
I wanted inspiration
So I asked my girlfriend to tell
Me anything that starts with a”A”.
It didn’t go so well…
“Um… um…” my girlfriend mumbled
As I asked again, “What starts with A?”
Finally she said, slightly annoyed
“Anchovie.” Then she said “Okay.”
I asked her to say literally anything
And she replied again “Hm.”
Then she pretended she didn’t hear the question
And said “David! David! Bum.”
It didn’t make for a masterpiece
But she inspired this poem you’re reading.
Now I’ll let you get back to your life
And let mom get back to her beading.
Filed under Poems
Because She Took All The Liar’s Money? Or Is He Ridiculously Honest? Either Way, He And His Brother Are Standing By A Fork In The Road And You Probably Have To Ask Them Where Their Town Is Or Something
If I had a nickel
For every time I lied
I would have zero cents
And a supermodel by my side.
Golden Slipper
I slipped on a banana
And fell on my butt
And it excited me
Because you know what?
Everyone told me “you’ll never
“Be yogurt” but I fought ‘em
And now look at me!
I’ve got fruit on the bottom!
Filed under Poems
All Breast Meat
If you were a mother and became a zombie
And started a life with you lil zombaby
Unlife would seem great when you lurch from the hearse
‘Til it’s time for the zombaby to nurse…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 