Vegans are the greatest photographers
The world has ever seen
Because instead of saying “Cheese”
They say “Emulsified Pea Protein.”
Tag Archives: Travesty
When You’ve Only Written Crappy Four-Line Poems For A Week But You’re Still Not Inspired…
Filed under Poems
I’m Just Gonna Let This Hang Here…
Swords have cross-guards,
Hammers have heads,
And NFL cornerbacks
Often have dreads.
Movies have releases
And novels have printin’s,
But why can’t Taylor Swift
Have some dirt on the Clintons?
Filed under Poems
…And Now It All Makes Glorious Sense
Of glorious, glorious, glorious cheese
I sing a glorious story
About how glorious you are,
You cheese so full of glory.
Glorious, glorious, glorious cheese,
You’re glorious, it’s true!
I couldn’t afford a thesaurus
Because I bought too much of you.
Filed under Poems
He Later Worked For The VA
Sitting in the waiting room,
A boy of almost eight,
Who’s never missed a chance to floss,
Nor abided sugar on his plate.
The scream of dental instruments
(And of those on which they’re used)
Leave me with a sense of peace,
Sedate and much amused.
I wore a three-piece suit to school
The morning ‘fore I came.
I was born to be a dentist
Though the others call me lame.
Yet I fear I shall not meet my dream,
Not for lack of smarts or drive
But because I am indifferent
To whether patients stay alive…
Filed under Poems
Math Meets Meth
They said “Name every number.”
I said “Paul.”
They couldn’t refute my argument
And, thus, that was all.
Filed under Poems
After The SAT
Floccinaucinihilipilification
Is my favorite pastime,
And since no one can pronounce it
This poem needn’t rhyme.
But if you think that word is fake
Or unnecessarily wide
Then, ironically, you have just
Floccinaucinihilipilified.
Filed under Poems
Talking to the Recruiter
What’s the best job in the army?
It’s Minesweeping, they say;
You do everything right for years
Then your problems go away.
Filed under Poems
Legolas and Pitiless
There are lots of similarities
Between Epstein and Tolkien’s elves:
Both hang around with youngsters
And neither of them kill themselves.
The Model Meets The Gamer
I’m young and very beautiful
As you can clearly see,
And so I guess you’re losing sleep
So oft you think of me?
…
It’s true that you are beautiful,
It’s true that you are young,
But I think of you as often
As the flavor of my tongue.
Filed under Poems
When You’re Not Sure Who To Offend…
At the 5K Run for white power
People called me “Hitler” to my face.
I disagreed with them, explaining
“Unlike Hitler, I can finish a race.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 