Tag Archives: Travesty

Maybe It’s Not A Race Thing… It’s A Kidnapping A Princess Thing

There once was a dragon named Fred

Who didn’t want to end up dead,

So he went to the vet

And said “I’m a pet”

And now he is loved and well fed.

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I Feel Like This Will Age Well…

Today was a Monday.

It wasn’t a fun day,

Nor was it remarkably fateful.

Today was a Monday.

Now it’s a done day.

And for that I am certainly grateful.

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What Did You Have For Lunch?

Today I tried making sushi

And, in a way, it was a success…

I managed to put all the rice in a roll

And wrap it in bamboo and press.

The ingredients all fit together

And it tasted like sushi indeed.

The downside is it looked like Lizzo

Wrapped in very expensive seaweed.

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Poems from My Vacation 5 – Skagway

Skagway has a choo-choo ride

Up through an icy pass.

My wife and I ate burgers there

‘Cause the cruise burgers were… fine.

There was a tram that led up to

Majestic mountains silver.

They also sold alpaca clothes

That cost so much they… fine?

We watched a film about the rush

For gold in Yukon lands.

The supply of actual gold to find

Far outweighed demand

And so a lot of horses died

(And sure, some humans too).

My wife got sick… I found a stick…

Did I mention the choo-choo?

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This Was The Song That Like Literally Defined My Childhood, You Know?

My car

Your dad

His car

My bad

It’s just

A flesh wound

New paint?

I’m doomed!

I’m coming to terms with what I just did

‘Cause I’m just a punk music 2000’s kid!

Hey dude

We’re good

I’m white

But I say “hood”

I can’t

Sing well

That’s why

I yell

All the songs I sing sound like Green Day did

‘Cause that’s the dream of every punk 2000’s kid!

(Nana na na… nana na, na, nana nana na) x9

…2000’s kid!

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The Future Is Now

There once was an AI named Jill

Who had a most marvelous skill:

She could click every bus

So as not to seem sus

Before going back in time for the kill.

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This Is Just Facts

There once was a pokemon game

Where you chose your rival’s name.

It was probably “Ass”

Or akin to that class

But the new pre-named rivals are lame.

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Or, You Know, A Crippling Depression Once A Century Or So…

I don’t believe in giving the government

Unlimited power to spend

Because what if they give

Drum sets to all who live?

See how badly all this could end?

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Art History

In the beginning was pre-scarcity art

And the caves and the rocks were a’plenty.

Thrag asked “Mom, can I draw on the wall?”

She’d say “Sure, have a square foot or twenty.”

But as cavekids kept coming and new caves did not

The biggest of Thrags made a rule:

“You only draw pictures of how great I am

“Or I hit you with club ‘til you drool.“

Well the biggest of cavemen was one they called “God”

(Though it’s translated plenty of ways)

And for a few dozen eons all art was created

To offer him penance and praise.

Then one of those days God’s goons stopped beheading

And burning those who spoke their mind

And artists were arting about love and go-karting

And the God stuff got all left behind.

Well folks love their love (and, a bit less, their go-karts)

But artists got bored making beauty

So they started to mix, splatter, smear, scrape, and “other”

And their art got much less “bowl of fruit”y.

The people cried out “What’s this art all about?”

And the artists would pout and say “Feelings”

When really we know that the art status-quo

Was more about shady cash dealings.

And now we’ve arrived when the people are tired

Of listening to skilled people sing

And the artists are taught in the college of thought

That good art mustn’t mean anything.

So I, being me, full of whimsy and glee

Know you see that my own art is bad…

But my art’s about stuff, and today that’s enough

To make even my crap not so bad.

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Guest Poem From My Wife As She Sits On The Couch Playing Pokemon, Expecting Me To Rub Her Feet

We drove home today

People need to learn to drive

Terrible traffic

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