There once was a skeezy Paladin,
A sly assassin, a cheesy bard,
A moon priestess, an archer,
And they rolled the dice real hard.
They stopped a civil war of trolls
And saved a duke from bombs of magic
And they lived happily ever after
(Which is the opposite of tragic).
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My girl said “[Name]
“You can watch the game.”
Now I’m watching men skate
And good poems can wait.
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There once was a billion-dollar movie
About some blue guys who were groovy.
I watched it tonight
And now I’ve seen the light
And I’m up to date with 2005. (Woohoo vee).
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I have a voyeuristic cat
Who likes to look at this and that.
He’d probably be less entertained
If his own this and that remained,
But since he’s now a they/them
He’ll hop atop the bed: “Ahem.”
And when we finish he does not,
But instead meows: “You’re in my spot.”
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There once was a digital horse
Who ran with electrical force.
It’s in my girlfriend’s phone
And now I’m alone
‘Cause she’s busy racing, of course!
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I played D&D tonight
And we had an epic fight.
Now this nerd must rest his head
Because it’s past his time for bed.
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There once was a Valentine’s Day
When I wasn’t alone (it’s today)
But I lacked the foresight
To post a poem before tonight
So here you go. Now go away!
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Today’s my lady’s birthday
(And this time it’s not my mom).
She’s redheaded and pretty
And I think she is the bomb.
She kicks my butt at Mario Kart
And grabs my butt covertly
And when anybody speaks ill of her
I tell them off quite curtly.
She’s 25 years old today
And full of fun and grace
And I’m going to feed her lots of sugar
And kiss her adorable face
And then, dear reader, after dark
We’ll do our favorite things. An
Act of love and passion
By which I mean play Wingspan.
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My family is here for the weekend.
My inspiration is not.
This poem has as much though into it
As people who name their dog “Spot.”
*Maybe
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I wonder if Julius Caesar
Had been given a manlier name
He wouldn’t have needed to conquer so much
And the world would never be the same.
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The Daily Travesty 