My family is here for the weekend.
My inspiration is not.
This poem has as much though into it
As people who name their dog “Spot.”
*Maybe
Tag Archives: True Story
Further Proof That Dumb Names Are The Root Of All Evil
I wonder if Julius Caesar
Had been given a manlier name
He wouldn’t have needed to conquer so much
And the world would never be the same.
Filed under Poems
The Fantasy World Has More Normal Names For Its Cities
There once were some nerds from Puyallup
That imagined some monsters to wallop.
They played D&D
‘Til they passed level 3
And yes, that’s an actual place… Puyallup.
Filed under Poems
Seriously, His Timing Was Impeccable
There once was a beloved cat
Who thought it appropriate that
In a moment of passion
It would be in fashion
To smother my face with its fat.
Filed under Poems
The Ballad Of Suckbot (Chapter 1)
Suckbot the Roomba
Was a very well-loved gift
For my fiancee, who went home today
And watched that vacuum drift.
Suckbot the Roomba
Was an appliance, technically,
But my girl said “Dave, my time you’ll save
“Merry Christmas. Heeheehee!”
You should’ve seen the cat jump at
The sound when we pressed go,
But after some stalking he went walking
Back to his chair and so
Suckbot the Roomba
Has become our second pet.
You say “What’s the fuss?” But he’s a child to us
And he’s not even charged yet!
Filed under Poems
My Bedtime Is At 8:00… Cut Me Some Slack
There once was a birthday party
That started at 6:30
It went a long time,
Which makes it hard to rhyme
Which is why “30” is now pronounced “tharty”.
Filed under Poems
What Do Poets Do At Night? The True Story Revealed!
Tonight I stayed home to guarantee
I could sign up for an event at 6:00 PM.
I spent most of the afternoon watching TV,
Specifically the Seahawks get their ass handed to them.
I was also playing video games
And burning wood to keep my house hot.
I had an awesome time doing everything but
Did I sign up for the event? No I did not.
I spent an evening by myself
Eating cookies and shouting “Dude!”
At the TV, so although I’m a dumby
My man card’s 1,000-percent renewed!
Filed under Poems
When Life Gives You Mucus, Make Poetry
I’m still sick after 96 hours,
Plentiful pills, and hot, steamy showers.
I feel lousy, and still poems I write
So give me some pity likes! And with that, good night.
Filed under Poems
He Was All Willful And Majestic And Got Reunited With His Human Friend…
Tonight we watched a movie
About a very macho horse.
Was it a beautiful film? Yes!
And an excuse for a short poem? Of course!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 