Sometimes people do something
That cannot be forgiven:
That is something that is always true.
For example, they’ll remind you
That you are consciously breathing
And now you’re nervous. Lala loopdey do.
Tag Archives: Truth
When Your Job Blows, But You Don’t
I’m inspired by that hand dryer
That’s supposed to blow the air
So the water that was on your hands
Is, well, no longer there
But it one day just decided
“I don’t like this anymore,
“So let them press my button
“And then remember what pants are for.”
Filed under Poems
Or We Could Just Choose An Animal And Interrupt Your Football Game…
Back when Youtube first began
A bunch of kids created
Videos so funny that
Folks nearly suffocated.
Now, insurance companies
Pay grown-ups lots of money
To make commercial messages
Which somehow still aren’t funny.
If you want to sell me
Some insurance or the like
You should fire your writing staff
And hire some kid named Mike
‘Cause when I see an ad that says
“We’re expensive, we won’t lie
“But we’re not just corporate assholes”
That’s the moment that I’ll buy!
Filed under Poems
For Sunflower
I love you, my sunshine,
My sniffer of books,
For more than your laughter
And stunning good looks.
I love you for doubting,
Examining life,
For wanting to be my
Spectacular wife.
I love you for giving
With no hint of greed.
You’re all that I want
And more than I need.
I love you for being
The woman you are:
A dreamer, a doer,
A fighter, a star.
Filed under Poems
There’s One Thing That Matters, And It’s Not Skin
I talk about love
And I talk about life,
How I do honest work
For my kids and my wife,
How I got a step up
From my forefather’s grace,
But what keeps me alive
Is the sweat on my face.
I won’t take a dime
If it hasn’t been earned;
Can’t regret when I failed
Because that’s when I learned.
I can say what I say
With no need for defense
Because what I say
Is just plain common sense.
So if you think I hate
Someone ‘cause they’re not white,
Consider a moment
That you may not be right.
Perhaps I respect
Those who earned their own keep
With an excess of ethics
And an absence of sleep;
Maybe the reason
You’re not on my mind
Is because I’m a doer
And I like my own kind.
You want to be equal?
Well, I want that too.
While I’m out here working
I’ll watch what you do
And when you go home
Having done what you should
You won’t think about race:
You’ll be feeling too good!
Filed under Poems
Yeah… The Swooshing Noises Would Get Old Pretty Fast… WAIT! Noise Cancelling Laser Armor!
The Jedi Order’s been around
For many thousands of years
And made a lot of laser swords
They didn’t give their peers.
These laser swords cut anything
Except each other, it seems,
And they block laser guns and stuff
And red ones oft cause screams.
My question for the Jedi,
Who claim to be guardians of peace,
Is why they never thought to make
An armor made of these?
A suit of laser armor
That blocks all forms of harm
Would prevent a lot of Jedi who
So often lose an arm,
As well as making everyone
Invulnerable to violence.
The only downside I can see
Is that the world would no longer have silence…
Filed under Poems
How I Choose To Put Stuff In My Body
You know those ads that run late at night
Where the guy tells you how to solve life
By eating one teaspoon of Stuff every day.
After all, it’s how he found his wife
Even though he was homeless and 300 pounds
And rodents were all he digested
Until he discovered a miracle cure
That one night he just manifested.
It’s a powder with maca, ginseng, beluga,
Alabaster, carnuba, and chives
And though the FDA says it’s not tested at all
It will change many millions of lives!
Well the guy selling Stuff that the FDA doubts
Saying it will make everything great
Has the same credentials as the Covid vaccine
Which is why I personally hesitate.
Filed under Poems
The Worrier’s Day Off
I’ve just been so busy!
I need to relax,
So I’ll sleep in a bit
And eat a few snacks,
Go for a walk
Or do something constructive,
Then blame myself for
Not being productive.
Filed under Poems
YA Dystopian Epics
Once upon a time
In a far away world
That turns out to be the USA by book 3
A brave young girl
With a stupid name
Becomes an unlikely hero
When she’s mildly inconvenienced
By an otherwise fine totalitarian system.
Alongside her trusty sensitive boyfriend
And the other dude who has no chance
But is still in the book for some reason
She will change the world…
Then she’ll do it again in book 2
In basically the same way
And then there’s a third one
Where the writer basically tells you
“War is bad,” or something
Because you kinda have to keep reading.
Her battle will be legendary
For about ten years
Until the next four-book trilogy releases.
Filed under Poems
Survivor: Now vs. Then
They used to be marooned
On an island, all alone,
Without food or water
Or even a smartphone.
Now 16 survivors
Have to stay at a 2-star hotel
With only basic cable and
Non-organic hair gel.
In the old days, the survivors
Would compete in feats of strength,
Rewarded for success by an
Increase in isolation’s length.
Now they have to listen
As someone reads offensive tweets
And try as hard as possible
To not cry from their seats.
I guess the type of people
Who can live outside the city
Don’t sign up for TV shows
And I think that’s a pity.
Now excuse me as I watch
Carsten, Miracle, and Regan
Compete for who goes longest
Without saying “I’m a vegan.“
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 