Last year we learned about a cold
That you can’t tell if you’ve got
So the only logical thing to do
Is mandate a mystery shot
That does not stop the spreading
Or the catching of diseases
Because, after all, our liberty
Is whatever our overlord pleases.
Just because it caused a clot
That killed my uncle Stu
Doesn’t mean it isn’t something
Everyone must do!
So why not be a good little sheep
And get your Covid shot?
And if you do in the next 12 hours
We’ll give you some free pot!
Filed under Poems
Just about everyone has asked “What’s the meaning of life.”
Just about everyone has learned the answer.
What got lost was that they weren’t asking the right question
And the right question is:
“Have I ever been unhappy?”
If you say “no,” then you apparently know the meaning of life already
But just about everyone says “Yes, I’ve been unhappy.”
And the right question continues:
“Have I ever been happy?”
And if you say “no” then you need to keep reading
But just about everyone says “Yes, I’ve been happy.”
And the right question continues:
“So what happened that made you change
“From being unhappy to being happy?”
There are many answers to this question
And just about all the answers are correct:
When you were born and became distinct from mother, you were unhappy
And when mother held you you were happy
And so the meaning of life is to be held and loved.
When you were scared and confused and lost, you were unhappy
And when you got comfort, knowledge, direction you were happy
And these too are the meaning of life.
When you were sad, you laughed.
When you were alone, you fell in love.
When you were hungry you ate.
When you were tired you slept.
When you couldn’t go on, you kept going.
Every single time you’ve been unhappy you did something joyful.
Every time you were hopeless you hoped one more time
And when you couldn’t, the universe gave you hope from outside yourself.
The meaning of life is about becoming happy
And if you’re happy you can’t become happy.
Life is the opposite of unhappiness
And so happiness is life.
If you are unhappy, you are alive,
If you are happy, you are living,
And when you make your final choice in this life, choose to be happy again
Because just about everyone can.
Filed under Poems
Some people say it’s easy
To never care too much,
To be free and fun and easy
And they live their life as such.
I wish that feeling apathy
Was simple like they say,
But alas, the need to care too much
Won’t seem to go away.
To make a fancy breakfast
And not share it with another;
To read a book and wonder
What exactly makes heights wuther?
These and many other things
I wish I could erase
But I sleep a lifetime later
Still just thinking of your face.
Filed under Poems
I think the moon is angry
(An observation and a warning)
Because everyone says “Goodnight Moon”
But they never say “Good morning.”
Filed under Poems
Somewhere near you is a man
Who has a loaded gun
And a heart full of unspoken pain.
He cannot see the sun,
Nor can he hear the laughter
Of the squirrels and birds and trees.
He walks upright, but out of sight
He’s fallen to his knees.
Somewhere there’s another man –
It might even be you –
Who gives the first a little nod
That says “I feel it too.”
And sometimes just a nod like that
Is all you need to say
To help a wounded warrior
Put the loaded gun away.
You don’t need superpowers
Or a cape to save the day.
Smiling is enough sometimes
To make the world okay.
Filed under Poems
The tiger is a fancy beast
That thinks of you as Fancy Feast.
If you’re not a fan of dyin’
You should only hug a lion.
Filed under Poems
When I was a child
I had a lot of fun
Playing a mosquito
As I drank my CapriSun.
Now I’m nine-feet-tall and rich
And so hot it’s not funny
So, CapriSun, please send me
Stuff that doesn’t cost me money.
Filed under Poems
Today I drove home on a road full of cracks
Past a tent city filled with the needy
To hear how the state gave 85 billion
To terrorists, but somehow I’m greedy?
Filed under Poems
I feel like at this point
Most people would agree the
Invention of social media
Was a really bad idea,
While at the same time saying
“We can do nothing about it”
And most of those agree
That they could not live without it.
The same has gone for junk food,
Fancy coffee, cigarettes:
We consume them faster
Than we process our regrets.
I look forward to the day
When we look at that list
And add the important footnote
That governments shouldn’t exist.
Filed under Poems
Someday in the future
Somebody will share
A painting so perfect
Nothing else can compare,
And most everybody
Will say “Ooh” and “Ahh”
Except for the few
Who insist there’s a flaw.
All other artwork
Before it and after
Won’t evoke the same awe
Or inspire such laughter,
Won’t bring to the eyes
The same sweetness of tears
And from then to the end
There will be the dark years
Where no art seems special
Like the ultimate piece,
So exhibits will dry up
And artists will cease.
New adventures will stagnate
When our needs are all met
So let’s just be happy
That we’re not perfect yet.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 