Trump’s on Epstein’s list.
Someone’s gun went boom too soon.
England’s a hellhole.
Tag Archives: Worse than usual
Know Any Urologists Hiring A Marketing Expert?
If your Weiner is white
Or your Weiner is black
You’ll be alright.
I’ll cut you some slack;
If your Weiner is red
Or your Weiner is yellow
You might have a problem.
But I know a fellow!
Filed under Poems
Too Far?
If I had a sweet purple pony
For every terrible poem I’ve written for you
I’d have no shortage of mystery meat
And the world would have no want for glue
Filed under Poems
A Shaky Poem At Best…
An epileptic guy walked into a pizzeria.
It was a Domino’s, but he wanted Little Seizures.
Filed under Poems
If You Have Nothing To Write A Poem About, Write It Anyway Because You Made A Stupid Promise To Post One Every Day And You Ain’t No Quitter
If I could name a river after myself
I think I’d call it “David River”
‘Cause that’s a limitation
Of the whole “name-it-after-yourself” deal.
If I could name a city after myself
I can probably guess your IQ
By what you thought the answer would be.
It would be New David River City
Because duh.
Filed under Poems
My Bedtime Is At 8:00… Cut Me Some Slack
There once was a birthday party
That started at 6:30
It went a long time,
Which makes it hard to rhyme
Which is why “30” is now pronounced “tharty”.
Filed under Poems
Green Power Meets Greek Power
A giant electric windmill met Sisyphus
And asked, “Do you like music, man?”
Sisyphus said, “Anything but rock and roll.”
The turbine said, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Filed under Poems
Sometimes The Punchlines Just Don’t Come… But The Rhyme Scheme Is Different So Shut Up (Love Y’all)
I’ve never owned a yacht, believe it or not
Nor bought a car (at least so far),
Never found a bike I like
Or used my brain to get a plane,
So when I decide to buy
A helicopter, I’ll adopt ‘er.
That way I can still say
I never resort to pay for transport.
Filed under Poems
NEVER End A Line With “Buck”
Another evening passes
Like methane from our asses,
Like the motorist that passes
Bicyclists, slow as molasses.
It passes like a buck
And the fact that I wrote buck
Means I’ll spare you from future rhymes
Because you already get the analogy.
Filed under Poems
HUMAN VS CATERPILLAR… THE ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN 💥💣🌋🐛
From the Earth arises, soft,
The tiny caterpillar
Which, to the baby bird, will serve
As a tiny belly filler.
The baby birds grow big and strong
And humans shoot and eat ‘em
And that is why the caterpillar
Will never defeat ‘em.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 