Tag Archives: Writing

Ode To An English Major

In a dreary campus sat

Poor I, a poet, much perturbed

For I was realizing that

My odds of passing were disturbed.

Th’examination that I took

Was one on poetry, so I

Did not much study from my book

But sat the test, my brain still dry.

Yes, I could name poetic styles

Sonnet, Sestina, Villanelle.

I blacked out bubbles, full of smiles,

‘Til did important topics knell.

I can distinguish couplet forms

Iamb, Trochee, and Anapest.

Easily I fought these questions swarmed

But failed at what mattered best:

A final question on the page

The exam’s author failed to anoint

And my lack of answer caused me rage.

The question: “What’s the fucking point?”

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Know Your Niche

I read a study recently

Where folks read poetry

Written both by poets

And impostor GPTs.

The funny part is readers

Rated all the AI stuff

Better in every category

Than the real poets’ fluff.

The only metric humans

Could equal AI at

Was the “originality” category.

Can you imagine that?

So, yes, robots are winning

But I’ll peacefully nap

Knowing I still have a stranglehold

On writing strictly crap.

For those interested: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-024-76900-1

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Do I Get A Silver Medal?

I thought ahead this Wednesday

And wrote before bed this Wednesday,

But alas lacked the foresight

To give myself more night

To think of a good rhyme for “Wednesday”.

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I Can Add “Princess Coach” To My Resumé Now

One of the benefits of being a poet

Is apparently you qualify

To go to a local high school

And coach (read “attempt to mollify”)

Some local pageant princesses

Who have to learn a speech

Because if you know English

You do not do; You teach!

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Classic Literature

Of all the editors who ever were

One doesn’t get enough credit:

Somebody read “69,046.767 miles under the sea” And asked “have you heard of a league?”

(The other editors never read it)

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English 101

There once was a five paragraph essay

That had one compelling thing to say

Then repeated that message

Twice, then thrice for to stressage

That there once was a five paragraph essay.

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The Weaker Poetry Bloggers, One Year Into The Apocalypse… #Weak

‘Twas on a night near end of Spring

When I was asked to write a thing

Describing how the flowers bloomed

Even though humanity’s doomed.

“Roses are red“, so started my verse

“And violets are blue, unlike that hearse.”

And then I decided since I’d end up dead

To quit writing poems and play golf instead.

So wrote a lesser poet just days

Before he was eaten by the undead horde.

When apocalypse comes, I’ll struggle in ways

But never complain that, when writing, I’m bored.

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Funnier If You Read It Wrong (Is That “Read” Like Read or “Read” Like Read Though?)

There once was a bass who played bass

Who wondered “Is it pronounced vase or vase?”

His leader then lead

Him to read what he read

But he wound up wounding his face.

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That Which Is Not Convoluted May Lack Bewilderment… So Yeah

I’m sporadically baffled, befuddled, and vexed

When traversing a sum of obfuscated text.

Otherwise, sometimes I feel the need

To say in plain english “This is hard to read.”

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If Academic Papers Were Haikus: An Unnecessarily Wordy Inquiry Into The Five Syllable, Seven Syllable, Five Syllable Metric Pattern Of Japanese Poetry Because My Professor Assigned A 500-Word Paper (Please Don’t Check My Margins Or Change The Font Color)

A haiku has five

Syllables, and then seven

On the second line

According to a

Study by Milner and Stein

In 2005.

They discovered that

The five-seven-five pattern

Was correlated

With most old haiku.

That means haiku have three lines.

Polysyllabic.

This correlation

Was confirmed by researchers

Who can count numbers.

To learn more, check out

My works cited I stole from

Wikipedia.

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