“Why do you have a dog poop bag
“If you don’t have a dog?“
“I still have poop though, don’t I?“
-Conversations from my jog
Category Archives: Poems
Golfing
One under is a birdie.
An even score is par.
One over is a bogey.
What I got is a Zanzibar.
Filed under Poems
Indian Fireworks Vs. The Legal Crap
Fireworks and fireworks!
Kazam! Kazee! Badoo!
One flies up and lights the sky;
It makes me think of you.
Fireworks and fireworks
Far as the eye can see!
One flies up and fizzles;
It makes you think of me.
Filed under Poems
How To Reduce Noise Pollution And Increase The Average IQ In America In One Morally-Grey Step
So folks are setting off fireworks
On the night of July 3rd
And at first, I’ll admit I was tempted
To flip such folks the bird.
In the spirit of peace and happiness
I instead propose humbly
To instead give them drugs and fireworks
In massive quantities.
Sure, this year the death toll
May be massive, but I say
It’s a way to purge the people
Who can’t wait just one more day.
Filed under Poems
There Will Be Signs…
If I ever say
“Let’s play some Monopoly”
I’ve been body-snatched.
Filed under Poems
This Isn’t Hanukkah… One Day Is Plenty
July 4th is a holiday
At least here in the USA
That’s currently four days away
But some folks think that it’s ok
To have a firework display
Every single night and day
Instead of waiting. Now I pray
That those people will go away
So when upon my bed I lay
Into dreamland I’ll go and stay.
Filed under Poems
Where Do The Colonists Sign Up?
So when you die the tax man comes
To take of your estate
While you pay tax on a hospital bill,
Pine box, and granite slate,
Then wear taxed clothes to the funeral.
You’ll arrive in taxed-gas powered cars
Which is why I will die as an astronaut:
‘Cause there’s no taxes yet on Mars.
Filed under Poems
Jesus Christ
Sure, they nailed me to a cross
And death was sort of ouchy
But that isn’t the real reason
That I’m feeling grouchy.
Instead, I’m sick of folks like you
Always shouting my name
When you stub your toe or, I don’t know,
Get mad at a video game.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 