You can’t assault the willing
Or rob the destitute.
You cannot kill the corpses
Or silence the already mute.
You can’t raze the fallen
Nor an existing travesty botch
So if you feel targeted
Maybe take it down a notch.
Category Archives: Poems
Black Friday Deals
There was an unwanted doodad
That everyone figured was bad
But just for today
We can send it your way
For 10% off. Aren’t you glad?
Filed under Poems
Enough Is Enough! (But I’m Having Seconds Anyway)
I’m looking forward to eating turkey
Until I’m comatose instead of perky
And the fact that in around seven days
There will come an end to the Black Fridays.
Filed under Poems
But There Is An “I” In “Heavy Sigh”
They say there’s no “I” in team
Which makes me want to scream
‘Cause there’s no “I” in “eye”
Nor in “aye”, “fly”, “guy”, “spy”,
So it’s not as mundane as would seem.
Filed under Poems
*Sniff*
If, instead of using eugenics
To get a particular color of eye,
They bred for noses that never get stuffy
We’d think better of small-mustache guy.
Filed under Poems
The Force Awakens; The Audience Sleeps
Ten years ago today
We saw a theatrical trailer
For what history may call
The biggest cinematic failure:
A lifeless Star Wars reboot
That exceeded our most cynical fears.
Now come back and read this poem
In another couple of years.
Filed under Poems
Why The Dinosaurs Didn’t Re-Evolve
Chicken of the Sea
Serves as warning for the fish
Who would go on land.
Filed under Poems
The Middle Child (68)
I remember how my sister,
69, was always “nice”.
Then my brother, 67,
Became a meme. It happened twice!
Yet here I am, poor 68,
Unrecognized ‘til now.
I am still important though,
And let me tell you how:
I’m the atomic number for Erbium
And the number of squares in Chutes and Ladders;
Emperor Nero died in year 68
So Julio-Claudians think that matters;
I’m a trope for a generic hotel room number
And the latitude of midnight sun;
L.C. Greenwood of the Steelers
Wore my number. Super fun!
I’m two-times-two times seventeen
And a Californian highway
And still despite these awesome facts
I never get things my way…
For now I’ll stay anonymous
As seems to be my fate
But watch for me on YouTube
In 2028.
Filed under Poems
Happy International Men’s Day!
House all to myself.
There’s a lot of stuff to do
Like nap on the couch.
Filed under Poems
The Blood God Congenially Requests Your Creativity
So I was just a year past ageless
And I wanted lamb for dinner
So I demanded a sacrifice
From some now-nameless sinner.
Now every year since the dawn of man
They sacrifice more sheep.
Can’t you sacrifice a salad once?
Or maybe a marshmallow peep?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 