Fat cat on my lap goes splat
And I pat his fat and that is that.
I rub and rub all ‘round his roundness
Until I question my mental soundness.
I sploop his leg and bwork his boop
And give his little gleeb a ploop
And then he bites and runs away
And thus I end another day.
Filed under Poems
I’m an absent-minded guy
And I’d probably make a terrible spy.
On an unrelated note
I mowed the lawn and bought a boat.
Filed under Poems
I think most people are open
To human sacrifice. However
We disagree on who gets picked
And who will pull the lever.
Filed under Poems
There are many lovely people
In the world that I have seen,
Yet many would be lovelier
As part of Soylent Green.
Filed under Poems
When black people get an education
People say they’re “Acting white”.
As a white person myself
I must say that isn’t right.
If you want to leave the ghetto
That’s an asian thing, for sure.
If you think I’m wrong, you’re gay.
Now speak English, por favor.
Filed under Poems
Pestilence, Famine, Death, and War:
These are the mythic Horsemen four.
Another we’ll add in the next transcription:
It’s named, “To Continue, Please Buy A Subscription”.
Filed under Poems
There once was a griller from Harding
Who didn’t click his tongs twice before starting.
What happened next makes
Hiroshima seem low-stakes
And now God’s set the world a’ restarting.
Filed under Poems
Your call is very important to us
So please enjoy this ditty
Until your soul gets old and grey.
Alas! It’s such a pity
That this call is very important to us
Yet all that you can do
Is stay on the line until nothing is fine
And the call’s not important to you.
Filed under Poems
I want to compare test answers
‘Cause I don’t think I passed…
The world is going to flood because
We’re using too much gas
So an African guy made a car
That uses electricity
And people are setting those cars on fire
Because of bad publicity?
But I thought the existential threat
Was a warming atmosphere?
Why are we taking violent action
So the air cannot stay clear?
And somehow its the billionaires
Who’re making us be poor
By reducing all our taxes
And keeping thieves out of their store?
Forgive me if I missed a point…
There’s just so much to learn!
What say we light another joint
And watch the city burn?
Filed under Poems
My mind is free of clutter
And my thoughts are all pristine.
My brain is not a’flutter
And neither is my spleen.
I haven’t an idea
Nor a pondering or musing
And anyone who makes me think
Is cruising for a bruising.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 