I had an hour this evening
So I watched Youtube for ten minutes.
Now it’s Saturday morning.
Funny how life goes, innit?
Category Archives: Poems
Technology? Up! Art? Ummmm… I’m Probably Not Qualified To Judge, But…
A lot of people are amazed
How in one hundred years
We went from riding horses
To the moon and diet beers.
What I find less impressive
Is that in that same epoch
We went from the Statue of David
To “Is this bedazzled pineapple a joke?”
Filed under Poems
Is It Too Late To Enlist?
I wished to be a poet. I thought that would be fine
But I had to be a sailor; I could only write two lines
And a gee and a hey and doodle dawdle yah!
Oh my English class was easy, that much is very true,
But I’d only write twelve syllables and not a whole haiku
And a gee and a hey and doodle dawdle yah!
But if you have no talent for stayin’ ‘round a while
They told me that the Navy would snap me up and smile
And a gee and a hey and doodle dawdle yah!
Turns out in the Navy there’s a whole entire job
For writing two line songs to sing while cleanin’ with a swab
And a gee and a hey and doodle dawdle yah!
My captain has a button that can nuke our enemies
But I can make him tap his foot across the seven seas
And a gee and a hey and doodle dawdle yah!
And a gee!
And a hey!
And doodle
Dawdle
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
(Mic drop)
Ready To Change The World?
If you’re thinking of a career change
One job has quite low stress:
Suicide bombers will always retire
Right after their greatest success.
Filed under Poems
My Evening
Fourth and seven Bills:
Kincaid almost got the catch…
Well #*$&… Go Eagles!
Filed under Poems
Pay The Bills, Or Pay The Refs?
In this divisive political era
We all have the power to choose
If we will sit idly and watch life happen
Or to fight back and help evil lose.
That’s why I ask you to kneel and pray
For the fateful occasion tomorrow
And ask whatever divine you believe in
To cause the Chiefs justice and sorrow.
Filed under Poems
So, SO Ber
I am the guy who doesn’t drink
But you would never know.
I order fancy cocktails like
A coke and H2O,
A margarita with just the rocks,
A daiquiri sans gin,
A Moscow Mule without the lime
And hold the liquid sin.
These lines and others have done me right
And now I’m proud to be
Watching some Youtube on Friday night
Just I, Myself, and Me!
Filed under Poems
That Guy In Front Of You’s Philosophy
Red light? Stop!
Green light? Go!
Yellow light? Apparently
That one means “drive real slow”.
Filed under Poems
Shoulda Sat?
Lonely toilet, late at night.
I don’t need no stinkin’ light.
Wait? Why don’t I hear a splash?
Oops! Guess that bowl was the trash.
Filed under Poems
Pets
A dog can be bouncy, beautiful, brash,
A lover of children, a chewer of trash,
A pooper, a woofer, a good boy or girl,
Who can sit, stay, roll over, shake hands, even twirl.
A dog is a friend, a companion, a pillow,
With fur short like mown grass or long like a willow.
A dog will be loyal. Meanwhile, a cat
Will be catty, get fatty, and thus that is that.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 