Did you know that firewood,
While primarily used to burn,
Can also be used to make children sad?
Now you do! Live and learn!
Category Archives: Poems
Thank You To My Mom For Her Poetic Inspiration
Some dumb humdrum bum
Hummed with numb gums.
The sounds was plum crumby
So I gave bum some gum.
The dumb bum said “yum”
And flashed upward his thumb.
May the bum not succumb
And have more words than mum.
Filed under Poems
Thus Spake The Lord
So God was like “I made animals
“And they’re useful and delicious
“But you chose to eat an apple
“And so, to be malicious,
“I’ll make your parents teach you
“That vegetables are good
“And also make steak cost way more
“Than such meat ever should.”
Filed under Poems
True Confessions of a Dungeon Master
So I spent 7 hours
Writing history and motivation
For a character who will capture
My players’ imagination.
They walk up to the character
And immediately leave
And then adopt an NPC
I randomly named “Steve”.
Filed under Poems
Do I Get A Silver Medal?
I thought ahead this Wednesday
And wrote before bed this Wednesday,
But alas lacked the foresight
To give myself more night
To think of a good rhyme for “Wednesday”.
Filed under Poems
Schrödinger’s Pillow Fort
So hypothetically, if I went in a box
And scientists didn’t know
That I’d gone in a box at all
It would be as though
I was simultaneously dead and alive
And in a quantum flux
And on behalf of others in my box fort
I think that kinda sucks.
Filed under Poems
The Masculine Urge
Today, when I was peeing
And pondering my existence,
I realized I hadn’t thought about sex in 24 hours.
What I was suddenly seeing
Was not some great resistance
But the fact that Magic: The Gathering has given me superpowers.
Filed under Poems
Identification Complete
There once was a UFO
That crashed in New Mexico.
People there made contact
And now it’s a fact
That it’s now nothing more than an O.
Filed under Poems
Wicked: The Clinton/Harris Story
It’s not that we don’t want a woman
As president of the USA…
It’s that our two female options so far
Would get melted by water. Ok?
Filed under Poems
See Also: Halo
If your Catholic parents are angry
That you play video games
Just tell them you’re playing “Mass Effect”
Then you can be the one who blames.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 