There once was a comedy movie
About a guy who loved kids, and for proof he
Dressed up like a girl
And changed some kid’s world
And everyone said that it’s groovy.
Category Archives: Poems
When You’ve Had Enough Of These Idiots, But You’re In The Middle Of A Raid
Some call it soda.
Some call it pop.
Some call it cola.
I tell them to stop.
They call me a downer,
A prophet of doom
So I logged off my game
And I left my room.
Filed under Poems
Past, No Presents, And Eternity
The saddest nights in history
Are probably the fall of Rome,
The night you watch the start of “Up”,
And when Santa worked from home.
Filed under Poems
Pope Or Pookums… Choose Wisely
When old ladies are lonely
And they need some warmth and love
They have a pair of choices:
They can seek help from above
Or they can buy a bunch of cats.
Whichever one they pick
Usually results in them
Becoming a catholic.
Filed under Poems
Still Better Than Modern Pop
Yesterday
All my motivation went away
Now I’m writing you this poem today,
A parody
Of yesterday.
Filed under Poems
A Brain Teaser
If you’re thinking too much
About overthinking
Then I think that you think
That your thinking is sinking
Your chance to think straight
And straight thoughts slink away
And by thinking of slinking
You’ll think of a way
To link up your thinking
And think slinking thoughts
‘Til you out-think the thinkers,
Both humans and bots.
If you understand this
Your thinking is zen,
But if you think you’re done thinking
Then you’d best think again.
Filed under Poems
A Potion For Happiness
Start with a cold cup of water
With an ice cube or two to be sure,
Then pour in some lemon and iodine
And crack in an egg, raw and pure.
Whisk it with vigor and emphasis
Then plop in a gobbet of spit.
Your potion is done! Now go find someone,
And into their face you toss it!
Filed under Poems
What? You’re Not Immediately Buying My Books? I Guess The Stock Music And Multiracial Couples From The TV Do Something After All…
There once was a guy and his dog
And they read limericks on a blog.
Now he’s married to a hotty
And he drives a bugatti
And he owns a sweet mansion in Prague.
Filed under Poems
Thus, I Accepted My Fate
The dragon loomed above me
Drooling volcanic spittle.
He said to me “I’ll spare your life
“If you answer me this riddle.”
Then I saw the dragon smile,
Its eyes a golden sheen:
“What’s harder to fix? The government
“Or the McDonald’s ice cream machine?”
Filed under Poems
How I Don’t Miss It
There once was a prospective miss
Who offered a lackluster kiss.
I just stood there thinking
“I could’ve gone drinking
“Yet I ironed my shirt just for this?”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 