Blackberries have thorns
And grow up in the wild.
Whiteberries are bad at basketball
And their bathrooms are well tiled.
Asianberries have good grades
Which means they understand
That whiteberries are not a thing
And this poem got out of hand.
Category Archives: Poems
The Consequences Of Bad Parenting
Where once there was a monument
There’s now some mossy rubble.
The world was once a peaceful place
But now’s awash with trouble.
The air is filled with fire
And the sky is full of ash
Because your six-year-old ignored you
When you said “Don’t do anything rash.”
Filed under Poems
When You Have A Daily Blog And Need A Day Off… The To-Do List
Drive to Canada
To see a show with my Mom
And write this haiku
Filed under Poems
Why Robots Won’t Replace Men
No amount of flattery
Can restore an empty battery
But a little flirting can
Reenergize almost any man.
Filed under Poems
I Asked My Fiance To Write The Odd-Numbered Lines And I’d Handle The Rhyming…
Fan.
Man.
TV.
Stevie.
Watch.
Crotch.
Orange.
Yeah… this is what I signed up for
Filed under Poems
Sort Of An Umbrella Poem About… Well, You Get It
Sometimes a banana is just a banana
And a tree is just a big, stiff, and girthy
And if you don’t know how torpedos fit in
Then your mind has yet to become worthy.
Filed under Poems
That Would Probably Bug Him
I think when the Buddha slept
He gave thanks for having grand wits
And also that no one referred to him
As Mr. Praying Man-Tits.
Filed under Poems
I Am Become Dum Dum Tss *Xylophone Noises*
Sometimes I wonder about the guy
Who took the default background photos
Or composed the ringtones for the popular phones
Or wrote the “you’re on hold” jazz
And I wonder if they are proud
Or ashamed of what they’ve created,
Sort of like the nuclear bomb
But without the violence
And they can watch anime in peace.
On The Virtue Of Realistic Standards
What is a horse other than a unicorn
That doesn’t have a shiny horn
Or wings or pink hair or magical power
And never, ever takes a shower?
So why would you ever want a horse
When a unicorn is better with no recourse?
The answer, dear reader, in case you are stumped
Is precisely why even Tom Brady gets dumped.
Filed under Poems
It’s Like “Plop” And I Just Met My Weight-Loss Goal
Sure, falling in love is satisfying
But have you ever had a poop where you thought
Everything in life was good again?
Apparently the music business has not.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 