In the future you’ll go to buy groceries
And the checkout robot will ask
To confirm that you are human
By completing a simple task:
Enter your username and password
And a random six-digit code
That was transmitted to your brain chip
From the authenticator node
Except your authenticator
Got a security update
That prevents your internal keyboard
From typing the number “8”
So you pause your grocery buying
And call the password reset guy
Which is just another robot
And you check “yes” to die.
Filed under Poems
I write an essay for my class
Using ChatGPT.
The AI-checker software says
It was written by me.
But I write a post on Facebook
That includes the phrase, “The Jews”
And I get called a Russian bot
And scolded on the news.
Filed under Poems
The nice thing about AI ads
Is that they’re poorly done
So I’ve no need to buy their stuff
And so declare we won.
Another proof of victory
Is that the CEOs shelled out
A lot of money for this tech
And thus without a doubt
Will double down on ineffective
Tools for advertising.
AI will bring a golden age
Of happily not buying!
Filed under Poems
So you’re telling me your business
Uses AI to write reviews
To improve my website traffic
And increase my daily views?
Then you show your website
And your 4.9 on Yelp
And expect me to believe you?
No, I do not need your help.
Filed under Poems
I heard that Disney has discovered
A group of Russian bots
Has left many “Snow White” reviews
All filled with toxic thoughts.
I’m truly flabbergasted
That AI has come so far
As to accurately review a film
That deserves that single star.
Filed under Poems
I read a study recently
Where folks read poetry
Written both by poets
And impostor GPTs.
The funny part is readers
Rated all the AI stuff
Better in every category
Than the real poets’ fluff.
The only metric humans
Could equal AI at
Was the “originality” category.
Can you imagine that?
So, yes, robots are winning
But I’ll peacefully nap
Knowing I still have a stranglehold
On writing strictly crap.
For those interested: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-024-76900-1
Filed under Poems
Remember when the movies
Had awesome robot pals
Like R2, Gort, the Terminator,
Bender, Ultron, and Hal?
Remember how these robots
All were murderous piles of chrome?
And now I ask: why would you want
A robot in your home?
Filed under Poems
There once was an AI named Jill
Who had a most marvelous skill:
She could click every bus
So as not to seem sus
Before going back in time for the kill.
Filed under Poems
They announced today that Apple
Will be adding ChatGPT
Directly into devices
And integrating it with Siri.
They’re acting like that’s fancy
But I think it’s no cause for cheers…
Hollywood’s had ChatGPT
In theaters for years.
Filed under Poems
So let me get this straight…
We’re training computers to write
And recognize everyday images
Like motorcycles or a traffic light
And yet our “are you a robot” test
Is exactly where they’re at their best?
On the other hand, I’m excited
For when the “are you a robot” guy
Says “Write something that’s racist”
And the robots can’t comply
So the hot singles in your area
Will finally stop trying to marry ya.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 