Today I stood at the gas pump
And couldn’t help but feel
That one Bitcoin for a gallon of gas
Will once again be a good deal.
Tag Archives: America
The Whole World Is Just The WWE Now, But Without The Clever Storylines
There once was a woman whose hair
Was, due to alopecia, not there.
One guy smacked a comic
And I find it ironic
That anyone still seems to care.
Filed under Poems
Leaving Something To The Imagination?
There once was a Florida man
Who owned a white messenger van.
You can picture I bet
How weird that could get
And we didn’t even mention his tan…
Filed under Poems
Even The Tyrants Realize This Is Dumb
This Saturday the mask mandate
Expires in my state,
So people must be healthy
Like the records indicate…
And yet today was Wednesday
And I will surely die, since
I took my mask off early
And I happen to trust science.
Filed under Poems
This Poem Will Never Age
There once was a televised speech
Made by a corrupt human leech.
He said lots of stuff
But not nearly enough
To justify gross overreach.
Filed under Poems
Doublespeak (Or How I Learned To Stop Talking And Accept That I’m Wrong)
“Awesome” means “Good” now.
“Good” now means “Fair”.
“Okay” means “I’m lousy”.
“Lousy” means “In Despair”.
“Gold plans“ are baseline;
“Platinum” is normal.
Shirts are for business
And blue jeans are formal.
“Nothing” means “Something”
And “Yes” can mean “No”
But y’all still jump to conclusions
When I said “She’s a hoe.”
Filed under Poems
In Other News, The Pipe Organ Will Be Renamed “The Vapiano”
Today at the store
I saw advertised
“Raspberry oranges”
Which I soon surmised
Were simply blood oranges
Rebranded so they
Would not offend those
Whose balls went away.
Now as days get longer
And evenings get hotter
I give thanks that raspberries
Are thicker than water.
If I buy some candy
With a blue-raspberry taste
I’ll know royal blood
Has great suffering faced.
I’ll go to church
For the raspberry of Christ.
Instead of blood running cold
I’ll make raspberry ice!
Yes, the pussification
Of America is sweet
‘Til the raspberry of Patriots
Signals final defeat!
Filed under Poems
Hope Exists In Odd Places
The fact that football stadiums
Are filled with maskless faces
Who came to watch a bunch of men
Of many faiths and races
Hit each other for a ball
While chanting “Let’s Go Brandon”
Makes me think the world’s too good
To suddenly abandon.
Filed under Poems
Because #Inclusion (Subverting Sexist Expectations Or Something?)
I always wanted a grandkid
With whom I could spend days
Holding, feeding, talking, reading,
And bonding in other ways.
When I got the call that said
“I’m pregnant,” I felt joy.
All that could make it better was if
The pregnant one was my little boy.
Filed under Poems
Alpha, Delta, Omicron…
A kid with jelly on his hands
Picked up a DVD
And put it in to watch a film
On their big screen TV,
But yet alas, the dirty disc
Got stuck around halfway
And it repeated the same old scene
Even when they pressed “play.”
Then finally they’d had enough
And said “I’ve had enough,”
Pulled out the disk and wiped it off
Then did some other stuff.
A five-year old can figure out
When something isn’t right
To make a new plan without delay
And still have fun that night.
And yet the leaders we voted for
Have yet to grasp this thought,;
Instead they say “shots didn’t work…
“How ‘bout another shot?”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 