All I can say about our state of affairs
Is that watching movies about Rome
Makes me think “This government’s ok,
“Or at least better than the one back home.”
Tag Archives: Black Humor
But… The Metaphors?
“This movie is great, I promise”.
Those were the words I said.
Then I remembered that one scene
Where they shot the dude in the head
And the bit with the serial killer
And the… actually, never mind.
Maybe next time we’ll watch a movie
That you happen to find.
Filed under Poems
Meanwhile, Google’s AI Says…
If I had a nickel
For every commercial starring a white guy
I would have as much money
As the black people who aren’t in ads.
—————————————————————
Violets are black.
Roses are black.
Criminals are racially diverse
So cut me some slack.
—————————————————————
Sure, the future isn’t white
But don’t you worry! It’s alright!
Europe’s long past its golden days
And no one likes swimming anyways.
Filed under Poems
The Tide Pod Song
When I turn on my television
I see a world of superstition
Where our leaders act like children,
Have a cow.
Meanwhile, the kids can’t read or write
And I stay awake at night
And think “That Tide Pod’s looking pretty tasty now.”
We used to run through flowery meadows
But now the news says they’re full of pedos.
There hasn’t been a film worth watching for a year.
Now I could watch Star Wars again
Or read a book or try some zen
But I’m leaning towards a Tide Pod and a beer.
You can’t see the stars at night;
We’re devoid of light delights.
It’s the darkest season most of us have faced.
But the laundry in the dryer
Caused another forest fire
And we can’t let all that detergent go to waste…
I guess life ain’t all that bleak
Just cause girls are men and men are weak
And our food and water cause infertility.
Let’s count our blessings, me and you:
I’ll say “one”, and you say “two”,
Then have some denatorium benzoate with me.
Filed under Poems
Big Girls Are Settling Now
I read an inspiring article
About how blue whales reproduce.
Apparently, they interbreed with fin whales
Who are not as large or recluse.
The fact that these largest of animals
Might bring their endangerment to an end
Gives me hope. It should give you hope too
That a blue whale might be your girlfriend.
Filed under Poems
In Retrospect, The End Result Is The Same
Since democracy is suspect now
I’d like to propose a solution
That could make our governments honest
If we ensure proper execution:
Everyone who wants something to change
Writes down their ideas. Then next
They go in a pit with a cheetah or two
And whoever lasts longest we elect.
On the bright side, the number of lawyers will drop
And less people will share their dumb thoughts;
On the other hand, cheetahs don’t like to eat metal
So we’d end up all governed by bots…
Filed under Poems
Do I Sense A Theme?
So somebody made a game called Palworld
That’s like Pokemon with guns
But instead of having free healthcare
It’s a survival game, which is fun.
The last time that I can remember
About Japanese monsters with guns
Was either the movie Godzilla
Or 1945 with megatons…
Filed under Poems
Apparently “Cosby-Cola” Is Not An Appropriate Suggestion
Our market research team said
Flavors that combine two fruity flavors
Like “strawberry-kiwi” and “lemon-lime”
Are massive money savers.
They asked us all to pick a pair
Of fruity tastes to try.
I suggested “date-grape”
And now I’m fired. They won’t say why…
Filed under Poems
Kings (Wait, What Word Were You Thinking Of?)
So explain to me again
How that word in your song
Is acceptable in rap
But if I say it, it’s wrong?
But if I say that word
With “vi” at the beginning
It’s no longer offensive
And the world just keeps on spinning?
Filed under Poems
Cement Prices Keep Going Up, After All
God gave you a tree
And He gave you a saw
And by cutting the tree
You’ve accomplished the law.
God gave you a pothole
And He gave you a car
And now there’s a climate protest…
You with me so far?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 