So explain to me again
How that word in your song
Is acceptable in rap
But if I say it, it’s wrong?
But if I say that word
With “vi” at the beginning
It’s no longer offensive
And the world just keeps on spinning?
Tag Archives: Black Humor
Cement Prices Keep Going Up, After All
God gave you a tree
And He gave you a saw
And by cutting the tree
You’ve accomplished the law.
God gave you a pothole
And He gave you a car
And now there’s a climate protest…
You with me so far?
Filed under Poems
Pussy On The Web?
True story: I work remotely
And at my meeting today
My cat jumped up onto my lap
And looked at me, then lay
Belly-up and legs upwards
To show the world his… that
So anyway, I texted my wife
To tell her about our porno cat.
But after a good laugh
At kitty’s lack of inhibition
I said something I shouldn’t have
While Alexa sat to listen:
I made a joke about “kitty porn”
But pronounced the T’s as “D”.
Please know that’s why I disappeared
If big brother comes for me.
Filed under Poems
On “Inciting Incidents”(Bonus Points If It Involves A Historical Artifact)
It doesn’t require much talent to be famous.
There really is near nothing to it
As long as you don’t care what they name us
And don’t care if you need to live through it.
Filed under Poems
It’s All The Rage In The Middle East These Days!
I saw a survey at a shop
That made me pause, then fully stop.
It asked “What flavor would you want
“To drink here in our restaurant?”
I think they wanted “Pumpkin spice”,
“Caramel pecan”, or something nice.
I wrote “The blood of politicians
“Collected via millions of small incisions.”
Filed under Poems
Why Brand Name Matters
You’ve heard of fasting,
Juice cleanses, and diets.
I decided I’m growing
And thus I should try it…
But which one to pick?
Well, I like foreign dining
So I’ll eat naan and tacos
And avoid pain and whining.
We’ll have Greek food for lunch
And, for dinner, Korean.
Isn’t my ethnic cleanse plan
So delightfully freeing?
Filed under Poems
Bill Jigger Gets Rejected From MIT
Bill Nye became a science guy
Because he rhymed his name
But my parents still won’t tell me why
I cannot do the same…
Filed under Poems
And Then We Got The Modern TSA…
‘Twas the night before National Report Medicare Fraud Day
And all of the drama
Happened in NYC
Largely due to Osama.
The planes were a flying
And the pilots were wild
And the towers that were twins
Became an only-child.
But alas, that new status
Was not long for this world
As another plane crashed
And tower two curled.
Then we heard men exclaim
As the tow’rs became soil:
“Yay American unity!
“Now let’s go steal some oil.”
Filed under Poems
That Would Probably Bug Him
I think when the Buddha slept
He gave thanks for having grand wits
And also that no one referred to him
As Mr. Praying Man-Tits.
Filed under Poems
The Ends Justify The Means
I think the government should give everyone
A tiger to keep as a pet. Sure,
A lot of dumb people might become Fancy Feast
But traffic would be so much better!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 