The monarch butterfly revealed
It’s gold and ebony splendor,
The ruler with antennas fair
And wings both strong and tender.
Alas, his reign was shortened
When he came upon a boy
Who thought his wings were pretty
And he’d make a worthy toy.
The boy absconded with the bug
Who ruled the butterflies
And in a box of colorful corpses
Does now his body lie.
So I decry the practice
Of collecting bugs and lobby
That only spiders be collected
By those who hold this hobby.
Filed under Poems
I know that there are anteaters
And I know that there are ants
And I think that this is proof
That life wasn’t made by chance.
The only thing I wish to know
Is why this brilliant creator
Took a look at spiders and said
“I’ll make the thing that eats them later.”
Filed under Poems
There are ten-quintillion insects
In the world, we estimate
Who deal daily with the fact
They’re objects of our hate.
They’ve never read a poem
And they’ve never seen a play
And we just go and murder them
As they go about their day.
Lots of people say things:
“Love your neighbor,” “Peace not war,”
But they don’t even bat an eye
When vacuuming their floor.
I think when we begin to care
For the welfare of bugs
Humanity will finally see
The real value of hugs.
Filed under Poems
There once were a fly and a flea
Who were healthy and lived in a tree,
Then they flew in a flue
And contracted the flu
And decided to, from the flue, flee.
Filed under Poems
“Glorify me!”
Yelled the beetle
Before he was squashed
By old Mr. Cheadle.
So if you think you’re important
You’d best think again
Or else be on the lookout
For little old men.
Filed under Poems
I want a theme park
Where 60-foot insects
Entertain guests
Who beside the bugs sit.
I hope the bugs bite
And destroy anybody
Who’s freaky enough
To buy a ticket to it.
Filed under Poems
He’s big and pink and fluffy,
Endearing, round, and puffy.
He’s very seldom scruffy…
It’s Murderface the Roach!
He loves your hugs and kisses.
He asks “you know what this is?
“It’s your dead former missus”
Says Murderface the Roach!
He’s the most huggable
Large chitinous bug able
To strangle you
In an alley at night!
He’s at home in the hood
Though he’s misunderstood
But if you bring that up
Best be ready to fight!
He’s got a friendly guise
That to trust would not be wise
Because he’ll stab you in the eyes.
It’s muuuuuuur
Deeeeeeer
Faaaaaaaaace
Theeeeeeeee
Rooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaa!
Ch.
A solid block of milk
Hits a grown up caterpillar
Who bursts into tears.
The butter flies,
The moth bawls.
Filed under Poems
They’re coming at seven
And this place is a mess.
There are larvae all over the walls.
We’ve not enough pollen
To feed all our guests,
And the queen is asking for my balls.
The workers are striking.
The drones are conversing.
The soldiers are sewing on stripes.
I’ve just about had it
With this dinner party
And all of my coworkers’ gripes.
Thus said the hornet
Who dared to be different.
‘Twas his nature. He didn’t know why.
Later that day
After leaving the nest
He learned that he’d been born a fly.
Filed under Poems
If it has two legs, I’ll greet it.
If it has four legs, that’s great.
But my favorite things have lots of legs
And a minimum of eight.
If it has two eyeballs, splendid.
One or zero is more on par,
But the more eyeballs the better
Especially if you can’t tell where they are.
It’s good that I have these preferences
Since my job title is “The Bug Guy.”
I love creepy critters in all shapes and types,
And especially making them die.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 