It’s nice to know
In this day and age
Time Magazine will
Give you the front page
And give you the title
“Person of the year”
For being perturbed
Where rich people can hear.
Tag Archives: Cynical
Next Week: Child Puts “Mean People Suck” Bumper Sticker On Car, Wins Nobel Prize For Literature
Filed under Poems
Feel Free To Replace “Bauer” With That One… Special Person
‘Twas the day before Thanksgiving
And all of the Bauers
Were being ungrateful
For 24 hours
For tomorrow they knew
They must put on a smile
And pretend to be happy,
At least for a while.
Then out of the sun
Did a meteor fall
And struck down the Bauers
And flattened them all.
On Thanksgiving that followed
This disaster from God
Everyone else was happy,
Which no one found odd…
Filed under Poems
I’m Just Gonna Let This Hang Here…
Swords have cross-guards,
Hammers have heads,
And NFL cornerbacks
Often have dreads.
Movies have releases
And novels have printin’s,
But why can’t Taylor Swift
Have some dirt on the Clintons?
Filed under Poems
He Later Worked For The VA
Sitting in the waiting room,
A boy of almost eight,
Who’s never missed a chance to floss,
Nor abided sugar on his plate.
The scream of dental instruments
(And of those on which they’re used)
Leave me with a sense of peace,
Sedate and much amused.
I wore a three-piece suit to school
The morning ‘fore I came.
I was born to be a dentist
Though the others call me lame.
Yet I fear I shall not meet my dream,
Not for lack of smarts or drive
But because I am indifferent
To whether patients stay alive…
Filed under Poems
Legolas and Pitiless
There are lots of similarities
Between Epstein and Tolkien’s elves:
Both hang around with youngsters
And neither of them kill themselves.
How Dare I?
I don’t think it’s funny
And I don’t think it’s strange
To have autistic teenagers
Opposing climate change.
I find it quite the opposite,
A much welcomed relief
To show that neurotypicals
Need not hold their belief.
Filed under Poems
Discover Why Mexicans Use Visa*
“Black guys play the black card.”
That’s how white people said it
Before they made the Master Card
And gave themselves the credit.
*This poem contains no mention of American Express because I couldn’t think of a good “Underground Railroad” joke, and also no one uses American Express.
Filed under Poems
It’s Not About What You Say
At The Women’s March
When a man marches with a sign
That says “I love women”
He’s praised as an ally
To the feminist cause.
At The Straight Pride Parade
When a man marches with a sign
That says “I love women”
He’s called a neo-nazi homophobe,
And that gives me pause.
Filed under Poems
Worth It
Once I took viagra
And had an erection for 36 hours.
That’s a lot of power from a pill!
When, of it, my doctor learned
He said “don’t be concerned,”
But I still had 35 hours and 58 minutes to kill.
Filed under Poems
It’s Awkward When Someone Says “Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace”
When a man has nothing to say
He waits in silence for the silence to end.
When a girl I like has nothing to say
She says “That’s so nice, but I have a boyfriend.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 