Today I saw one per cent milk
And so I gave my mom a holler.
Turns it it’s just crappy milk,
Not 100 milks for a dollar.
Tag Archives: Grammar
The College Athlete
As I jogged through the locker room door
Coach was shouting “This is what we play for!”
I said “What coach means to say
“Is ‘this is that for which we play.'”
I guess that questioning coach’s decision
To end a cheer with a preposition
Resulted in, so it would seem,
My no longer being on the team.
While you might expect, after my blunder,
That I hope, in my absence, the team goes under
I don’t seek vengeance for my woes…
And it’s “In my absence I hope under is where my team goes.”
Filed under Poems
After Monkeys Throw Down
Monkey see monkey doo.
Monkey cleans up monkey poo.
Monkey reminds, for everyone’s sake
That difference a comma and an “o” can make.
Filed under Poems
Or You Mite Be Letting Siri Type Four Ewe
If you prey at a alter
And like you’re time their,
You watch the news and think
That how the world works isnt fare,
Youve misplaced yor resume
But will happily give you the jist
Than you might bee looking four jobs
Via a web sight like Craigslist.
Filed under Poems
Honestly, Get your Suffixes Straight!
If feminism means “go women”
And humanism means “people are good”
Then racism means “yay fast people,”
Or at least it should.
Filed under Poems
Not For You And Me
Grew up in a place
Wouldn’t know
Where pronouns have no place
Or so said so.
Before call something
Might regret later
Know that shouldn’t
Be a hater.
Filed under Poems
Why Grammar Matters
A world without adjectives
Would suck
But it wouldn’t be bad
Would blow
But it wouldn’t be sad
Would eat your soul
But not in a negative way.
A world without adverbs
Things happen,
People run
Other people run
Some are faster
But we’ll never know which.
A world without verbs
Blue, stagnant,
Highly descriptive,
Shorter than previous stanzas.
A world without nouns
Write this if you dare.
Filed under Poems
A Big Discovery
Big picture,
Big cheese,
Big idea,
Big sneeze…
When on the word “big”
You get reflective
It seems to go in front of everything
As if it were an adjective.
Filed under Poems
At Least They’re Gramatically Correct
Once again I’ve been so busy
Doing other things
That I struggle to write a poem
Before the new day rings.
I’d say the quality suffered
But to do so would be a sin
For these poems had no quality
With which to begin.
Filed under Poems
Life Is Better As An Illiterate Monstrous Subrace Online
I was born into a social contract.
I didn’t choose it for myself.
It says that I must obey laws
And I can never be an elf.
It includes some pretty lousy clauses
Like “you cannot gramatically refer to yourself in the first person as ‘me'”
And “poems should have meter.”
That’s why I quit to play an RPG.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 